You mess with Harpo Marx, you get the horns.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Where, What, When, How?

I know it's hard for me to just step back in here, make the predictable Joaquin Phoenix joke, and renew my blogging lifedom. The frequent reader of the blog (and we know who you are, and where you are) would see right through that little ploy. Where has this "Stew Miller" been for the last year or so they would ask. What has he been doing? When is it time for dinner? How many angels can you put on the head of a pin? All good questions, except maybe the one about angels on a pin as we all know the answer is 2,884,878,534,983,901. I shall endeavour to answer those questions for you.

To be sure 2008 was quite an interesting year filled with adventure and excitement the likes of which no mortal man could reasonably be expected to remember. Especially if you were not that man. I, however, had a rather mundane year filled with lots of doing things and going places. Here is a sampling of my many activities and the reasons I left them over the past year:

  • Headlining as the new Roy in Siegfried and Roy - allergic to the hair dye.
  • Speechwriter for Obama - I punched up the Hope part, turns out people more interested in Change.
  • Stock broker - threw everything I had into Freddie and Fannie. Lost all $100.
  • Pip Clowson's bagman - turns out Pip keeps everything in a steamer trunk.
  • Took over finding the "real killers" for OJ - turns out it was OJ.
  • Pirating on the Horn of Africa - couldn't stop laughing when they called us "rogue seamen".
  • Helicopter moose hunting with Sarah Palin - ran out of moose.
  • Chuck Norris's personal masseuse - even though it was a mistake, NOBODY touches Chuck Norris there. (3 month recovery period)
  • Mid-wife for "pregnant man" - don't even want to go there.
  • Film critic - called Slumdog Millionaire the worst movie I had ever seen. Turns out I had been sent the obscure 1996 Pauley Shore version.

So as you can see I attempted to make my place in the world. The world, however, had other ideas and so it is back to blogging for me. Unless something else comes up.



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