Happy Thanksgiving!

A very Happy Thanksgiving to all our regular readers (both of you) and anyone else who happens to stumble upon this site via Next Blog, Google, Twitter, or sheer grace (for us, your call from your end). God bless you! We're thankful for all of you.

So thankful that I'm going to share my Thanksgiving to do list with you:

• Wake up (no guarantee, most days)
• Brush teeth, comb hair (do not mix these up*)
• Run five miles (seriously - already done)
• Dress (this and the previous item not necessarily in the order listed)
• Eat a light, healthful breakfast (skip bacon, save room for turkey, etc.)
• Shower (use soap, shampoo, industrial strength deodorant)
• Shave (face only, today)
• Watch minimal amounts of parades and mock presenters accordingly
• Fix Mac 'n' Cheese for family Thanksgiving lunch (full dairy products included)
• Make Italian Salad for lunch (skip Chico Marx accent this year)
• Eat massive amounts of turkey, dressing, cheese grits, green bean casserole (with extra fried onions), rolls, butter, mash, gravy, mac 'n' cheese, deviled eggs, sauerbraten, cannoli, toad in the hole, escargot, Beef Wellington, pork ribs, salmon, chocolate pie, bratwurst, sukiyaki, pickled herring, corn on the cob, steamed corn, cornbread, corn muffin, Mexicorn, Corn O'Brien**, Shrimp Etouffe, Carne Asada, Li Hing Mui, Pad Thai, Kung Pao Chicken, Kung Pow Chicken (a spicier variety), bangers, bacon, back bacon, side bacon, streaky bacon, Bacon Salt, pastrami, Camembert, Brie, Stilton, (see Monty Python Cheese Shop sketch for subsection of this menu), Haggis, bacon and cabbage, Irish Stew, Mulligan Stew, Panda Stew, Mulligatawny, gnocchi, matzo ball soup, paella, boiled peanuts, flan, Lobster Thermidor, Marmite, Vegimite, Nutella, ramen, Coq au Vin, Crab Rangoon, Chicken Vindaloo, Chicken Korma, Chicken in a Biscuit, Kim Chee, biscuits, crisps, chips, dips, and Wonder bread.
• Drink only one glass of sweet tea (to keep the calorie count down)
• Watch gridiron (go Cowboys!)
• Eat leftovers (see above)
• Sleep 'til Christmas

* Yes, this is one of the oldest jokes in existence. Holiday tradition demands we dredge it up though!
** No relation to Conan O'Brien