It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Goodness is Out, The Chin is In

Leno has once again vanquished goodness with the evil benzene gas that seeps out of his chin. In ancient times, a crack opened deep in the bottom of the Sea, and death vapors from the Abyss escaped. Those vapors bubbled up to the surface of the raging waters and entered the atmosphere like a dark ghost. It roamed from cloud to cloud looking for an opportunity to ruin the world, and, as its dreadful imagination churned, it began to take shape. Yes, the evil vapor took the form of a massive fleshy chin, and it took upon itself the name of LENO.

This chin spent centuries warping the minds of good people everywhere, conquering nations, perverting pure bloodlines with its corrupt genetic material, and driving Conans out of the Tonight Show. LENOchin with blood of gasoline and a necklace of human eyes around its neck is now foisting itself upon our generation and corrupting our time with its mutinous backstabbery and latent Tonight Show re-taking.

What can we do about this? The funniest Conan O'Brien you've ever known has just been driven out of our Tonight Show by this chin. It's like locusts devouring the wheat fields of ancient Israel. Decay, decay, Lords of Decay in the guise of Man Chins. And I say again, what can we do about this?

Repeat this mantra, dear television watchers, for I have the answer for you hidden herein: "Avoid the Chin. Avoid the Chin. He stole it from Conan. He'll do it again. So Avoid the chin. Avoid the chin. He ruined your TV. He'll do it again."

Yes, chant this to yourself every evening when the late night talk shows are coming on, and I am certain you will make the right talk show viewing decision.

Chant it, People of Earth!

Avoid the Chin.
Avoid the Chin.
He stole it from Conan.
He'll do it again.

So Avoid the chin.
Avoid the chin.
He ruined your TV.
He'll do it again.

Avoid the Chin.
Avoid the Chin.
It's swollen with Benzene.
It eats human skin!

Avoid the Chin!

--sincerely, Nuffy Sarge Noe

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