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Saturday, January 29, 2005

It's quiet out there... (final version)

It's quiet out there...etc. etc...

I really had hopes for this. You know, something along the lines of the "Twilight Zone" episode where Burgess Meredith, in his pre-Penguin, pre-Rocky days, is the only survivor of a nuclear holocaust and is ecstatic to realize that he will be able to read to his heart's content for the rest of his life. That is until he breaks his reading glasses and doesn't have Hermione Granger there to repair them (as portrayed by the adorable Emma Watson - who was recently #13 on a Google search list, so I'm hoping for a little double search engine response here!)

It was looking so good. I'm alone, the last man on earth, that sort of thing. A "What would Earl do if he had all the time in the world?" post. Now I'll have to settle for what could have been. I alone will have to live with the vision of me, solitarily riding the Haunted Mansion in Orlando over and over again until there's no more gasoline for the generator. I alone will have to remember playing a spectacular game of one man football at Highbury (after having rowed the Atlantic) and scoring 72 goals against the very best Spurs attired mannequins I could find at Harrod's. I alone will have to track down and eat every last remaining tin of Walker's Scottish Shortbread, and wash it down with whatever Bass Ale, Red Stripe, and bottled water that is still in fair condition. I alone will have to scale the Eiffel Tower and throw paper aeroplanes at the Palais du Justice, which, being in Belgium, will take quite a nice breeze to pull off. I alone will have to drive every remaining sports car on the face of the earth around Daytona until the wheels fall off.

I would spend all the time watching the great films of the world, but I just know that some parallel event to the Burgess M. episode would occur and the only DVD remaining in existence would be "Bio-Dome". I'd rather not chance it.


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