It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Final Thoughts on the Oscars

Some notes and thoughts on this year's Academy Awards:

  • I was watching the look on Marty Scorcese's face when Clint Eastwood's name was called out. He was smiling, but his body was clenched like someone had stabbed him in the gizzard with a shiv. The only way it would have been worse is if Clint had done the little fake twirl and reholster the gun bit, but he's far too classy for that these days. Of course, somewhere, Sondra Locke was choking on her liquor.
  • Can I just say again that there is a limit to the amount of Beyonce that we can take. While I'm certain that editing and camera angles can create a misunderstanding, my overall feeling about her from last night is that she views herself in the same category as Venus. I've never seen someone preen and pose the way she seemed to on the red carpet and then 3 apperances, including one where she was introduced by the person who presumably sang the actual song in the film? (I could be mistaken about that, but I wouldn't admit it if it would have got her off the stage.) I hereby use the power invested in me by my own imagination and ban Beyonce from singing again at the Oscars for a period of 10 years or until Adam Sandler wins a Best Actor award, whichever is longer.
  • Jack Nicholson was nowhere in sight. Somehow it just wasn't the same without that loveable nutter.
  • Morgan Spurlock failed to win Best Documentary for "Super Size Me". I've no idea if there's any truth to the rumors that he spent the rest of the night retching Big Macs and McRibs out in front of Graumann's.
  • Hillary Swank seems like a very nice young lady. It's only a sad coincidence that her last name sounds like a particularly nasty "adult" magazine. It could be worse. She could go by the name "Guccione Flynt". (Lord have mercy, I never tire of making fun of those two rotters.)
  • I know it's a dead horse by now, but Chris Rock meet David Letterman. Two funny guys who just don't fit in the "Oscar" mold and will be successful anyway. I predict Billy Crystal will be back again next year sucking up to Oprah (Who always seems to get a seat...was she in anything this year?) Billy, Steve, and Whoopi will continue the usual rotation, but when will they get smart and hire Jerry Seinfeld to do this thing?

Ciao baby.

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