Fiiiiigaro!!! Fiiiigaro! Figaro!!!

French Daily Le Figaro is changing its look to attract more readership.

The new look? Take a gander at this.

Sales of Le Figaro just shot up 10,000% in Barking and Dagenham.

In a related story, Le Monde has stated that, in order to slow declining subscriptions, they will no longer refer to Americans as "scumbags", but will substitute the softer, more positive "slimeballs." Massachusetts Senator John Kerry stated through a spokesperson that this is exactly the kind of diplomacy he was talking about in 2004 and that he was vigourously trying to get Der Spiegel to downgrade its description of Americans from "filthy degenerates" to "cowboys." President George W. Bush responded to the news by referring to the editors of Le Monde as a "bunch of poodles" and by high-fiving his life-size poster of Lance Armstrong.