An innovation tweel all be glad to see

Speaking of scientific innovation, French tire fanatics and restaurant reviewers Michelin have invented the future of auto tyres: The airless tyre. What was the old joke about French technology? All right, so they can't make a decent computer, but their tyres are smashing... or not smashing, in this case.

They could use a bit of help with the name. This new, earthshakingly revolutionary tyre is called: "The Tweel." Apparently, Elmer Fudd works in the marketing department of Michelin.

No more playing with the airhose to inflate a mate's trousers or blow air up the skirt of some bird you fancy in school you knicker-peepers! Michelin promises to make flat tyres ancient history, just like Madonna's acting career. (Well, I know she's got another film coming out this year...but it should be.) Blow outs on the motorway will now be replaced with hooligans stuffing empty beer bottles, toilet tissue, and rolled up copies of The Sun in your spokes. (If it happens to you, I promise it wasn't me.)

What's really amazing is that no one has thought of this before. One would think that the old wagon wheel design might find its way back in America, but apparently tyre manufacturers in this country are too busy coming up with clever ads featuring animated squirrels. "Take the air out of tyres? What is this, the Flintstones? Now, what were you saying about that scene where the squirrel dances in front of the oncoming car?"

Now if only the French would come up with some technology to drain the massive amounts of hot air from Prime Minister Dominique De Villepin. Admittedly, that's an exponentially larger task, a bit like trying to hoover the rings from around Saturn with a straw.

Hat tip: Linus Coconut