Vacation! Oh, the things I've planned!

I'm currently on vacation. Unfortunately, it's one of those where I don't actually get to go anywhere. So, rather than jump across the pond to catch a match at Highbury before they convert the old ground into posh flats for entertainment and banking mid-management types, I'm sitting here typing this for you lot.

This doesn't mean I don't have plans though. In fact, I feel as though we've become so close over the last year that I can share them with you. Actually, I can't think of anything else to write here this afternoon, as I'm so stroppy (see #12 below). So, here are my top 12 things to do for vacation:

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12) Sleep until 1 p.m. every day. Of course, I'd do that every day if this were my regular job. Then I'd sleep until 3 on vacation.

11) Bacon at every meal. Now, that's a vacation. Stew was witness to this yesterday, as I had a meal that was approximately 40% bacon. 20% was sausage as well, so it's almost a full English breakfast, except that it was lunch.

10) Play football everyday. I missed yesterday, so I'm behind. Video football counts. I've got the new Winning Eleven game Mrs. Fando bought me for my 41st. Unfortunately, at this stage when I play Arsenal, Thierry Henry looks rather like Steve Bould with the ball. Must work on that.

9) Blog everyday. Except yesterday. And maybe tomorrow. I'm still up in the air about that. Just count yourselves lucky I was bored today.

8) Write the Great American Novel. If Juan Carlos Vega can try it, surely I should take a shot. At least, I'm an actual citizen. Surely, INS isn't reading this. If so, I guess he could blog from Central America.

7) Play guitar every day. For those of you who didn't know, I play a bit...mostly Gregorian Chant which is pretty easy except for the one chord change. Also, does anyone out there know how to make a B chord without your ring finger cramping up?

6) There is NO number 6!

5) Parachute into Afghanistan, find Osama Bin Laden, and bring him back on a meat hook. That would make the week...for everybody.

4) Send in my American Idol demo tape. I know I'm too old, but I just want to make them sit through it, especially Paula. I do my own highly personalised redition of Bohemian Rhapsody, where I do all the harmonies live. Zimpter once said it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. I'm not sure that was a compliment.

3) Run 3 miles a day. All right, that was an outright lie. The real number 3 was "Lie about running 3 miles a day," so I can check that one off my list.

2) Nude skydiving.

No, I'm just kidding. I just wanted to make sure you hadn't wandered down to Stew's posts. Trust me, you wouldn't want the nude skydiving at my current stage of fitness.

1) Make DOUI the number one blog on the planet! I realize that's a little ambitious. I may need an entire fortnight for that one.