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Friday, March 10, 2006

Stew's Motion (Picture) Monologue

I will look the other way no longer. For years now I have turned a blind eye to the films of Shawn and Marlon Wayans. I don't know if it was out of deference to their slightly more talented siblings Damon and Keenan Ivory or what, but I can go on no longer. These pseudo-Wayans latest attempt, Little Man, is the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. As a matter of a fact, if I was a camel I would probably want my back broken so I could avoid going to see it. You get the idea. The two demi-Wayans brothers seem to have finally hit rock bottom and are apparently trying to drag Keenan Ivory down with them. Who knows, maybe he just wanted another directorial film credit, that's what I'm hoping.

Little Man isn't really a film as much as it is a cry for help from the two mock Wayans, and let's hope these two get the type of psychiatric counseling they need. The movie, if I can use the term loosely, concerns Shawn's character's desire to have a child. Due to various rambuctious carryings-on and high jinks, Shawn mistakes Marlon, playing a diminutive criminal, for his newly adopted baby. At this point in a comedy review I would sarcastically write "with hilarious results", however I can't bring myself to do it with this film even though I haven't seen it, will not see it, couldn't be dragged by horses to see it, and won't even let Zimpter whisper it to me.

Don't get me wrong, I have liked some of their past work. Their time on In Living Color and movies like I'm Gonna Git You Sucka were well spent and they seemed on a path to some semblence of a respectable comedy careers. Even the twenty minutes of Scary Movie I saw had a glimmer of hope but it all came to a crashing halt when they did White Chicks. The sight of these two in drag is enough to make you loose your lunch, much less your respect for them or what they might be trying to do onscreen.

The final verdict on the movie? Who cares?!! Let's just all try to move on with our lives at this point and try not to give these guys any of our money. If worse comes to worse, there's always work at the post office.


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