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Thursday, March 09, 2006

A disgraceful name that must be changed!!!!

I read this week that the Major League Soccer franchise "Houston 1836" has changed its name to "Houston Dynamo." The original name "1836" was selected by fans in an online poll, and was offered as a choice because it was the founding date of the city of Houston. Those who know football, know that this is a common naming convention among teams, such as Germany for instance (Hannover '96, 1860 München, und Farfenugen '73) .

However, a Spanish-language paper in Houston pointed out that 1836 is also the year that Texas was illegally formed out of a portion of the great nation of Mexico, and also the year that Santa Anna's Mexican army was routed by those same Texan seccessionists. So, obviously, it had to go. (Obviously, all those fans were gringo-supremacist dupes, the gits!)

Though I myself am of different origins, I am with you my brothers and sisters! We can not stand up for such an affront to one's nationality, even if we are technically Americans by citizenship. We are not citizens of this country so we can merely turn around and spit upon the heritiage of the nations of our fathers and forefathers and the luscious women they hooked up with!

However, you do not go far enough mi Hermanos y Hermanas Mexicanos! ¡No, usted no va lejos bastante de hecho!

The new name is still the Houston Dynamo! Is not Houston the name of that oppressor, pig general who, by reminding everyone of the offensive and rude way in which these Texican rebels splattered the fine uniforms of Mexican soliders with blood at that nasty little mission (The Alamo, I believe it was called) in San Antonio, drove them to insanely conquer that fine and upstanding Mexican army and carve Texas out of what would today be Tamaulipas Norte, Nuevo Coahuila, y Chihuahua Del Este??

How can we stand in the face of this insult, long overdue for repayment??? If the stench of the year of our misery, our humiliation, and indeed our extreme redistricting must be forever excised from our glorious nostrils, how then can we stomach the fact that the name of the wretched Stetsoned brow that conquered our great empire should be allowed to remain unmolested on the t-shirts, mugs, tickets, ball caps, thongs, and giant novelty sombreros that this franshise sells to OUR community!

Therefore, I demand that the so-called Houston Dynamo be immediately renamed, at great expense and with mucho publicity, to the Bayou City Dynamo!!! (Bayou City is the nickname of the town currently referred to as "Houston.") However, even this is not enough to repay the grevious and altogether cheeky insult to our glorious national pride!

I hereby demand forthwith that the city of Houston be renamed from the nasty moniker of that opportunistic little cowpoke to "La Ciudad Real del Americanos Mexicana" (in English, The Royal City of Mexican Americans) or CRAM for short, which would look spiffers in all the Rand-McNally Atlases!!!!

If these demands are not met, then I call upon all peoples of Mexican descent, including those of us who may have wandered through Mexico on our way from Guatemala, Honduras, Panama, Tierra Del Fuego, Islington, Ashburton Grove, Ealing, and Sudbury, to rise up and march upon the city government of this so-called Houston!! We shall block your streets! We shall hamstring your public works! We shall make piñatas out of your fancy streetlights, already!!!

Even after you give in to these demands, our thirst for justice and street theatre will not be quenched! We therefore demand that the government of the United States give back the states of Texas, Nuevo Mexico, Arizona, and the really good parts of California, Colorado (Vail, particularly) and for good measure Western Louisiana, to the great nation of Mexico!!!!

¡¡¡Viva El Mexico!!!
¡¡¡¡Viva La Tamaulipas Norte!!!!
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Viva las correas y las sombreros gigante de la novedad que hacen que la palabra "CRAM" imprimieron en ellos!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: I have just been informed that the name "Dynamo" was the name of the football club in the Soviet Union that was sponsored by the KGB.

My democratic and refusnik brothers in peace! We will not stand for this affront to freedom, this tribute to the foul gulags of our oppressed past!!!

Etcetera. etc. ...


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