There She Is, Miss Freaky USA!

Well, beauty pageants have changed quite a bit over the years. The reigning Miss USA is entering rehab.

Tara Conner, will be allowed to keep her crown by the Miss USA pageant under the conditions that she enter the Caron Foundation rehab centre and rein in her wild ways, which included wild parties, drug use, making out with Miss Teen USA, Katie Blair, and nude mechanical bull riding.

All right, I did make the last one up, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Only a decade or two ago, such offenses would have seen previous Miss USA contestants put in the stocks, hanged, or pressed beneath stones until they confessed to witchcraft. According to the 1984 Miss USA rules, the offence of making out with Miss Teen USA alone is enough to warrant burning at the stake.

It must be said that Miss Conner's behaviour may simply be a product of association with the wrong sorts of people. For example, the current owner of the Miss USA Pageant is none other than that master of the zany coiffure, Donald Trump. So, given the owner and his potential influence, it's really a bit of a miracle Miss Conner didn't turn up on a video entitled "Miss USA Contestants Gone Wild*" showering with Courtney Love.

However, Miss Love is a former (current? future? regular?) patient of the clinic, so this is still a very real possibility. I mean, honestly, how effective can a rehab clinic be when their star patient is Courtney Love? Next they'll be telling us Robert Downey Jr. is one of her peer counsellors.

* Coming soon to a Target near you.