It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Quick Hitters

Just a few quick observations, etc. to while away the busy parts of Monday with:

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Lawyer: Well, I see the Supreme Court ordered the removal of the Ten Commandments from yet another statehouse.

Hollywood Producer: Those cats must hate Cecil B. DeMille!

[Editors Note: We're thinking of submitting this to Grit. Thus, the relative quality of the "joke."]

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The craze to sell naming rights has gone to far. At first it was limited to athletic events, such as the "Tostitos Fiesta Bowl," or stadia, such as "Emirates Stadium." The next step though is municipalities and even states. Look for these in the coming months:

From Trenton, N. J. to Trumpton, N. J.
From Boston to The Boss-ton (Springsteen has gone too far - just in case you didn't get that one)
From Croydon to Coldplaydon
From New Mexico to NBA-Mexico
From Freedonia, KS to Frito-Laynia, Kansas
From Buffalo, N.Y. to Garafalo, N.Y.
From Alabama to Apple-bama (possibly just Obama, if the politics work out for him)
From Massachusettes to Massa-Cruise-settes (They can't all be gems, people.)
From Arkansas to Wal-Martansas (It could have been worse. The original suggestion was "Low-low Pricesansas.")
From Buckinghamshire to Beckhamshire
From California to Cokelifornia
From Pennsylvania to Pepsivanian
From Oklahoma to Oprahoma

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How many lawyers (soliciters) does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. There's no money in lightbulb negligence.

How many medical ethicists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They believe the lightbulb should simply be allowed to die.

How many sportswriters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Twenty, but they sit around on their fat arses waiting for someone fit to do it, so they can write about how badly they bolloxed it up.

How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but they never get the lightbulb changed. They just write, and write, and write, complaining about how the lightbulb went out in the first damn place.

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One last one, my favourite lawyer/solicitor joke that I've ever written. Apologies if I've done this one before:

What's the difference between lawyers/solicitors and piranha?

The piranha will leave bones.

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