No Ma'am, I Never Meant to Rock You at All

The trending topic that had everyone buzzing on Twitter last night was #rockretractions. (In fact, as of this writing, it's still surging along on Twitter, if you want to play.) Lots of people were posting them, including a fair number of well-known Tweeters*: "Weird Al" Yankovic, James Lileks, Adam Baldwin, Harry Shearer, the guy from IMAO (who managed the Twitter equivalent of a Rickroll with one of his - impressive**), etc.

I won't bother to explain the joke, as it will be pretty obvious from my own prolific contributions to the topic. Just in case you're interested, here they are (with a few slight edits to offer extra blogging value!)  It's kind of like a crazy pop culture quiz:

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• Yeah, I know I said "any way you want it" but it only comes with pickles, mustard, ketchup and these crappy fries.
• Perhaps "love" is a bit strong, but I am somewhat fond of LA.
• Forget about me already! Sheesh!
• Instead of taking me to Funkytown, how about I take you to Walgreens for some air freshener, and roll-on.
• You can turn around. Der Comissar's at EuroDisney.
• On second thought, Amadeus, just mind your own damn business.
• OK, I confess. I was born on the Canadian side of Niagra Falls.
• Love cuts like a skill saw.
• His name was Jack but hers was Ethel.
• Don't put your hand inside the puppet head! I put a rat trap in there. 
• I thought I felt it comin' in the air tonight, but it turned out to be gophers, underfoot. Boy, do I feel stupid!
• I never kissed the sky. It was actually a fogbank.
• Turns out I was crazy. That's why I thought I was impaired!
• I never so much "ruled the world" as bullied my pet hamsters and the guy who sleeps on the stoop outside.
• If I lay here, if I just lay here ...would you get up and fetch me a beer?
• I checked with corporate and I have to apologize. You really are the boss of me.
• It wasn't a sex farm at all. It was a sex ranch.
• Turns out, I was working on a Guatelmalan radio.
• It turns out, Joe DiMaggio was sellin' coffee on the television the whole time!  
• You're on your own, Major Tom. 
• It was really my Pinochle face.
• I pretty much get fooled every election.
• You can put me in coach, but I've got a massive hangover.
• Major Tom actually never left earth. He got lost in the television studio. #rockconspiracies
• Were the end of the world to happen, I would probably be in a world of hurt.
• Those only reason I was singing "Fire!" is because Peter Buck gave me a hot foot during that take.
• Leave those old records on the shelf. I've got them on my iPod, now.
• Like a bridge over troubled water, eventually, I will buckle and collapse into a wet, messy pile of junk.
• As it turns out, folks don't lend a hand at all in a hell hole.
• They were really dull, miserable people.
• Yes, yes, yes let's start! This is the best part!
• Baby, love's got everything to do with it!
• Time is flowing like Heinz ketchup.
• The levy was filled deep and loaded with bass. I fished for hours.
• Hell yes, we started the fire!
• The only reason there was smoke on the water is because we put the fire out.
• Do not take me on. You'd whip me in a fair fight and then I really would be gone. Doo doo doo doo dooooooo. 
• Ricky didn't blow her mind. It was the Colt 45.
• Ricky didn't blow her mind, it was the malt liquor. #twitterretractions
• I have 57 photographs of you and I spend all day wishing.
• The answer was blowing in my bong.
• Some people are roller skating USA.
• I like eagles, but I really flew like a Gypsy Moth.
• It was more like a hop, rather than a jump. 
• She was just an above-average freak. 
• On second thought, stay over there Eileen. You smell a bit. 
• Our house was really in the garden like other houses.
• We would like to rock you, but we have weak arms.
• I would never, ever shock a real monkey. 
• Actually, that smells like teen flopsweat.
• Actually, if you feel it, it probably is there ...at least if it's a tomahawk.
• I can live with or without you. I mean, otherwise, I'd be dead already.
• They really only call me Mr. Love, Esq.
• Not only will I be your beast of burden, I will paint your house.
• I exaggerated. Dude looks like one of those Redskins fans with the dresses and the pig noses.
• We can't dance at all, much less when we want to. It would be dangerous.
• Actually, we only burned down the "outhouse."
• As it turns out, she wasn't actually an evil woman. She was oppositional-defiant.
• I know we said "Don't look back," but then we started to think, "What if some creepy guy's behind us?"

Yes, yes I love this topic. How did you guess?

*Normally, I refer to we denizens of Twitter as "Twits" but really, only a few of us merit that nomenclature.
** To get the full effect, you have to imagine it being said in the Darth Vader voice.