Cruise, Kidman, Psychiatry

During a recent press junket for her new movie, The Visiting, in which she plays a psychiatrist, Nicole Kidman told reporters that psychiatry was a worthwhile profession.

"I have a father who is a psychologist, so my life has been research," she pointed out.

After hearing the news, Tom Cruise burst onto the Oprah program, repeatedly bounced up an down on a sofa, and open-mouth kissed fiance' Katie Holmes in front of several thousand photographers, Steadman Campbell, and at least one pope. He later issued a press release, which read in part:

"Has Nicole read her father's research papers? I have, at night, when everyone else was asleep in the Kidman house, when I would go down and pretend to be raiding the fridge for shrimp cocktail and some Sanctuary Cove Premium! Has Nicole looked into the theories her father's research was based on? I have, while traveling on the astral plane in my magical hovercraft, accompanied by my pet Rhinocerous Norton!"

Katie Holmes could not be reached for comment, as her publicist informed us that she was busy practising rolling up into a fetal ball and sucking her thumb. Well, he didn't actually use the word "practising."