It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Germany Election Chaos

Speaking of Der Spiegel, they report on their website that Germany has actually lost its own election. After careful counting and recounting of the votes, the final results of parliamentary elections worked out as follows:

Christian Democratic Union/Christian Social Union - 35.2%
Social Democrats - 34.3%
Belgium - 78.9%

Based on the total percentages, German elections officials admitted there may have been some malfunctions with the vote tallying machines. One possibility is the fact that they were last maintenanced during the previous year's Oktoberfest.

Meanwhile, Belgian officials were estatic. Gerd LaFarge, Assistant to Prime Minister (and Bill Gates lookalike) Guy Verhofstadt said, "It's about time we took over Germany. After the two Great Wars and years of NATO submission, we're tired of the nickname, 'Dusseldorf's Doormat.'" Later, the Prime Minister's office issued a publique communique which stated, "Free steak and frites for everyone! (Buy Windows XP!!)"

Other world leaders were effusive in their reactions. French President Jacques Chirac sent a telegram to Belgium congratulating them on their surprise victory and offering to show them how to "run a really first-rate European nation, if they struggle under all the pressure, because you know, we are watching all the time." British Prime Minister Tony Blair expressed his personal satisfaction at a press conference and credited the Belgian victory to Labour's street cleaning programme in Cheshire. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi called the Belgian Prime Minister to offer congratulations, and to find out how to install a wireless router on his home computer network, but was unable to stop laughing on the phone long enough to be coherent.

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