It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Live Oscar Blog

Well, here I am, watching the Oscars and typing some stuff every single minute upon the minute as stuff happens on my television. As you are watching the Oscars along with me, please follow along with this LIVE Oscar blog-o-cast, courtesy of Nuffanial Egras Noe, aka Nuffy.

7:14pm -- Hooter Phras just presented film editing of the year award to Stephen Powter for his work on scene 12 in Act Two of the motion picture "Johnson Has Gas." Stephen Powter cried a little bit and thanked his horse for, as he put it, "making all my dreams come not true."

7:21pm -- Tony Dow reprising his Emmy award winning character Wally Cleaver!!! He dances, he sings, chorus girls with wigs! Shoes! Prancery! Tony recites his Poet Laureate winning poem, "The Tree of Theodore."

Oh for the red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red sky,
That broke open with tears as the ghost of Ward Cleaver sauntered by.
Oh for the sick, crooked moon and its daydreams about June,
With her neck pearls on and plastic hands, she'll be here soon.

No one can know the several hours of epiphany that Beaver dredged up from hell,
saying, "Hey there, Wally, what I've seen and known ain't so swell."
Well, Beav, you stupid Beav, you greasy greasy leather jacket alley wallowing Beav,
has it ever crossed your mind that there comes a time to leave!


7:23pm -- Most of the audience is still in tears after Tony Dow's recitation. Memories of Ward Cleaver are all too fresh. Even I cried a little bit when he told Beaver Cleaver to leave.

7:45pm -- A few people still crying, but the show must go on. Jack Nicholson is eating a Moon Pie while presented the Best Nostril Flaring Oscar to Helen Mirren for her work in the movie "Queen Elizabeth's Angry Nostrils Attack Tokyo."

7:52pm -- Most of the crying has stopped, except for a lonely, lonely, very sweaty and slightly pasty looking Paul Giamatti in the back corner. He just loved Ward Cleaver so much. Prince is currently presenting the Best Tray of Raspberry Scones to the Volkswagon Van from "Little Miss Sunshine." Such an honor!

8:13pm -- The Oscars are over! Man, it was the best night of Academy Awards in the history of awards! The Best Picture was split between "Little Miss Sunshine" and "House of Lethargic Danny Devito." Danny Devito's pants accepted the Oscar on his behalf, since Danny is currently on location in Rhea Perlman's house, making fondue.

Good year. Good year. I am honored I could blog it live with you, ladies and gentlemen. I've never told you how much I love you, and I should. I should. But I won't. Because, well, I don't, in so many words. Anywho, thank you for your time, and good luck with your shirt.

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