It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

The race to be President!

Sorry for the dearth of posts here lately. My idea was to let people enjoy the "Best of" post for awhile, but after my last post on death and funerals I suddenly realized that people might have thought I'd snuffed it.

Meanwhile, here in the States, the Presidential race is heating up. That's right, the 2008 presidential race. As people are so eager to see who will replace George W. Bush, I decided to do a little informal polling. My methods are, to be perfectly honest, highly unscientific.* However, here are a few results about some potential candidates.

Hillary Clinton

38% would vote for Senator Clinton
38% would not vote for Senator Clinton
20% think that Senator Clinton is a giant ventriloquist's dummy crudely manipulated by ex-President Bill Clinton
4% think that Senator Clinton should beat the stuffing out of ex-President Bill Clinton with her handbag.

John McCain

42% have a favourable view of Senator McCain
34% have a negative view of Senator McCain
19% think that John McCain sounds an awful lot like Clint Eastwood on helium.
5% think that John McCain is the real-life Bruce Willis character from the Die Hard films.

Barack Obama

47% have a favourable opinion of Senator Obama
31% have a negative opinion of Senator Obama
15% are suspicious of anyone whose name sounds even close to "Osama."
7% think that Senator Obama is the offspring of Sidney Poitier.

Fred Thompson

50% have a favourable opinion of former Senator Fred Thompson
31% have a negative opinion of former Senator Fred Thompson
10% say that Fred Thompson's nickname is "Iron Fist."
9% think that Fred Thompson is the current sitting president and admires his ability to run the country and keep a steady acting gig on NBC's Law and Order.

John Edwards

37% say they would vote for John Edwards
32% say they would not vote for John Edwards
30% say they think John Edwards has the best hair in the campaign
1% say they would vote for John Edwards's hair to run the country.

Rudy Giuliani

57% say they have a favourable opinion of Rudy Giuliani
30% say they have a negative opinion of Rudy Giuliani
12% say that Rudy Giuliani is the salt of the earth despite his two divorces and wearing women's clothing on Saturday Night Live!
1% says that Rudy Giuliani is the salt of the earth because of his two divorces and wearing women's clothing on Saturday Night Live! **

Newt Gingrich

95% said it would be hilarious to regularly utter the phrase "President Newt."

*Loosely translated: I made things up.
** My thanks to President Clinton for participating in the poll.

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