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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

And now for a word from the Dark Side...

I was just thinking about my last post. As annoying as Obi-Wan Kenobi must have been to Luke Skywalker, it must have even been more frustrating for Luke to deal with the menacing, wheesing spectre of his deformed, yet heavily armed father, constantly trying to corrupt Luke's immortal soul. It'd be a bit like a really pesky used car salesman, only one who occasionally takes a poke at you with a light sabre.

Also, I never did understand that whole, "Turn to the dark side!/Hold still so I can cut your head off!" dichotomy. I mean, if Darth Vader wanted to convert Luke to the dark side, then why was he always trying to filet him with his giant, electronic Ginzu?

Anyway, Vader clearly had no sense of marketing the dark side, or Luke, Leia, Han, Yoda, and pretty much the whole galaxy would have been converted quicker than Tom Cruise can say "L. Ron Hubbard" in his theatan-free panic room. I think Darth would have had much better success had he sold the dark side with a little more finesse.


  • Darth Vader: Luke, turn to the dark side. They have free chequeing
  • Darth Vader: Luke, I may not be able to convince you to turn to the dark side, but would you take a few moments and listen to my friend Heidi Klum?
  • Darth Vader: Luke, the dark side tastes great AND is less filling!
  • Darth Vader: Luke, do you know why they call it the "dark side?" Chocolate!!
  • Darth Vader: Luke, look at the confidence the dark side has given my friend Bob... and check out the dude's light sabre!!
  • Darth Vader: Luke, turn to the dark side! It's so easy a Wookie can do it!
  • Darth Vader: Luke, Kirstie Alley lost 70 pounds by going to the dark side!
  • Darth Vader: (In a thick, high Irish accent) Give up being a Jedi and turn to the dark side to drink more dark Guinness beer? Brilliant!

Yes, I think I'm done with the Star Wars bits for a few weeks now...

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