It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Friday, April 20, 2007

The Tubular Possibilities

After Wednesday's post, I began to wonder if there weren't other loonies... ahem, I mean daredevil stuntmen looking to brave the abyssal depths of the Underground in the search for new sport. I then consulted our regular solicitor F. Johnny Lee and explained that there might be a market for this sort of thing. He replied, "What, getting killed by a train while rollerblading?" I replied, "I hadn't thought of that one, and jotted it down in my notebook." He replied by swatting me on the back of my head with his leather bound legal pad. I responded by threatening to take him off retainer once my novel sold. This made him laugh for nearly twenty minutes, tears of mirth pouring down his face. He then patted me on the back and charged me for 20 billable minutes of legal advice.

I've always said I got into this blog to make people laugh, but I think he took it just a bit too far.

Anyway, there are many other possibilities for sport in the Tube, but I must first point out that anyone stupid enough to try the following observations (as opposed to suggestions... F. Johnny Lee says that "observations" is a neutral word, whereas "suggestions" is a word used by people who liked to be sued and/or probed with rubber gloves. I think he was speaking metaphorically.) ...where was I, ah yes! Anyone stupid enough to try the following observations is acting on their own responsibility. The Dictionary for Unfortunate Ideas is not responsible for those people being mental and/or perverts (We cover all the bases here).

So, if someone was mental enough to go on a suicidal binge into the Underground looking for sport, these are the likely alternatives they'd look into:

  • Hang gliding between the Victoria and District lines
  • Intracarriage Rugby (full Union during rush hour, but only Sevens in the late evening)
  • Escalator bowls
  • Lift tennis
  • Busker tipping
  • Loo hockey
  • Travelcard turnstile show jumping
  • Stairwell bobsledding (but only when the lifts are running)
  • Platform cricket (you can only hit for six when there isn't a train in the station)

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