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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Keith Richards is Insane

Yes, Keith Richards is insane, but most of you knew that already. The 63-year-old (470 in Richards-years) guitarist for the Rolling Stones has admitted to taking many drugs in his unnaturally sustained life, but the strangest one of all of these has to be his father.

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father,"Richards told a British Music periodical. Apparently, Richards ground up his father's ashes with cocaine and snorted the lot. Next, I expect we'll hear that the ashes weren't the result of cremation but of that other time when Keith smoked his father's remains in a giant doobie.

The funny thing is that Keith's dad is probably the only legal substance he's snorted.

The other thing is that you'd have to be pretty high already to snort someone's ashes, much less a relative's. So, this wasn't just recreational drug use. It was a (wait for it) ...cry for help.


So, the Rolling Stones' axe man has now sunk to a weird psuedo-cannabilistic, necro-incestuo-narco-habit that would make Robert Downey Jr. tremble in revulsion and tears. Soon we can all look forward to the fearful sight of Keith "The Mummy" Richards frequenting mortuaries, looking for a little stash or blow in amongst the memorial urns.

The saddest thing about the whole story is that about 40% of people reading this are thinking to themselves," Had to happen, didn't it?"


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