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Monday, June 04, 2007

Coup d'état!

I, Earl Fando, am writing to declare that I have, as of this moment, commenced a Coup d'état of The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas. Due to the inactivity of my comrades in silly blogging, I feel that there is only one road to hoe, as it were, and that is with me in complete and total control.

Therefore, as my first act as newly installed Oligarch of this blog (Dictator sounds so passe'), I hereby institute the following decrees:

  • All guest posters (previously identified as co-posters) must refer to me in writing at all times as Generalissimo Fando.
  • All posts involving Warwick Davis and Danny DeVito are hereby banned from the blog until further notice. The only exception to this rule is when I'm really hard up for something funny to write, as Davis and DeVito are a constant laugh riot.
  • The DOUI annual golf scramble is postponed. (That should get Stew's attention.)
  • Any references to Cameron Diaz, for the purposes of cheap hits for the blog, shall hereby be credited to Earl Fando for the purposes of invitations to Hollywood premieres and bit parts in films, should Ms. Diaz or her representatives appreciate that sort of thing. The beloved Mrs. Fando shall be invited to any and all such functions as well, just in case anyone things the Generalissimo is behaving in a duplicitious fashion.
  • Lukas P. Short is hereby officially appointed chiefprovider of home-brewed alcoholic beverages for DOUI functions. Previously, he only held this position unofficially.
  • Stew Miller, Nuffy Noe, Zimpter Fiforg, and Linus Coconut are hereby demoted to Cabin Boy, Second Class, the duties whereof to be determined by The International Criminal Court, The Hague.
  • All Cabin Boys, Second Class, are required to report directly to Cabin Boy, First Class, Mr. Tom L. Ron Cruise.

That is all (for now).

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