It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Fidel Retires


Fidel Castro has officially retired as Dictator for Life, erm... President for Life, erm... "Elected" President of Cuba. Naturally, a go-getter like Fidel has big plans for retirement. Fortunately, we know a friend of Raul's Swedish massuse and Raul blabs whilst on the table.

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Fidel Castro's Retirement To-Do List
  • Sneak into a Yankees game
  • Smuggle cigars into Miami for quick U.S. dollars
  • Torture political dissidents in person for a change
  • Learn to tap dance (Might have been "lap dance." The translation was iffy.)
  • "Pants" Raul during major state speech
  • Date Heidi Klum
  • U.S. College speaking tour
  • Lose the "Ayatollah" beard and sport a snappy goatee
  • All the "frijoles negros" he can eat
  • Win America's Cup and rub it in Bush's face
  • Take advantage of Cuban health care for all the Botox he can handle
  • Develop a conscience (tentative)
  • Tour with Prince
  • Trade fatigues for bermuda shorts and sandals
  • Recreate "Weekend at Bernie's" scenes

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