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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Fidel Retires

Fidel Castro has officially retired as Dictator for Life, erm... President for Life, erm... "Elected" President of Cuba. Naturally, a go-getter like Fidel has big plans for retirement. Fortunately, we know a friend of Raul's Swedish massuse and Raul blabs whilst on the table.

Fidel Castro's Retirement To-Do List
  • Sneak into a Yankees game
  • Smuggle cigars into Miami for quick U.S. dollars
  • Torture political dissidents in person for a change
  • Learn to tap dance (Might have been "lap dance." The translation was iffy.)
  • "Pants" Raul during major state speech
  • Date Heidi Klum
  • U.S. College speaking tour
  • Lose the "Ayatollah" beard and sport a snappy goatee
  • All the "frijoles negros" he can eat
  • Win America's Cup and rub it in Bush's face
  • Take advantage of Cuban health care for all the Botox he can handle
  • Develop a conscience (tentative)
  • Tour with Prince
  • Trade fatigues for bermuda shorts and sandals
  • Recreate "Weekend at Bernie's" scenes

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