Fidel Retires

Fidel Castro has officially retired as Dictator for Life, erm... President for Life, erm... "Elected" President of Cuba. Naturally, a go-getter like Fidel has big plans for retirement. Fortunately, we know a friend of Raul's Swedish massuse and Raul blabs whilst on the table.

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Fidel Castro's Retirement To-Do List

• Sneak into a Yankees game
• Smuggle cigars into Miami for quick U.S. dollars
• Torture political dissidents in person for a change
• Learn to tap dance (Might have been "lap dance." The translation was iffy.)
• "Pants" Raul during major state speech
• Date Heidi Klum
• U.S. College speaking tour
• Lose the "Ayatollah" beard and sport a snappy goatee
• All the "frijoles negros" he can eat
• Win America's Cup and rub it in Bush's face
• Take advantage of Cuban health care for all the Botox he can handle
• Develop a conscience (tentative)
• Tour with Prince
• Trade fatigues for bermuda shorts and sandals
• Recreate "Weekend at Bernie's" scenes