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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Pip Clowson for President

I hesitate to ask this, but who are you going to vote for in November, America? Are you going to vote for Obama or McCain? Either way, you are stupid. Either way, you are an embarrassment. Either way, you are failures. Either way, you are morally sick and mentally broken. Either way, you are sub-par. Either way, you are mentally questionable. Either way, you have disavowed your own nation in favor of a nation of blithering yak hearted fiends. Either way, you shame the universe with your decisions. Either way, you set fire to your dreams, kick your hopes in the groin, slap your future in the face until its teeth break and fall out of its mouth, and take a baseball bat to the neck of your liberty like Al Capone to a serpent's ribcage.

Yes, I said it. I called it liked I see'd it, America. Obama himself has proclaimed, "If elected, I vow to imprison your children and burn your homes to the ground," or words to that effect, more or less. McCain, similarly, has publically declared, "Elect me your President, my good friends, and I will annihilate everything you've ever cared about and everyone you've ever loved," or, at least, implied it by the look on his face.

How can we choose between terrible misery and miserable terriby? That is like asking a horse to take a bath in battery acid or else to bite his own eyeballs out of his skull. You can't ask people to make choices. That's called communism, and I think we already bombed communism back to the bronze age, if I recall correctly.

As for me, I have rejected every political party in America, because they have all, brick by brick, built a stronghold of ideas that will never make sense to anyone who didn't go to college. And I didn't go to college. I was too busy building this country with my bare hands. I didn't sit around eating marshmallow pies and chocolate gravy in the dorm rooms. Did you? How did I build this country with my bare hands, you ask? By going outside, buckling down, with a hammer in one hand and a sack of nails in the other, and literally hammering nails into the wall of our great nation. Sometimes for hours on end. Sometimes I hammered a nail into another nail; You can't stop me.

All of that is to say, please for the love of my own heart, DON'T vote for either of those two old sacks of lie called Obama and McCain. I have a better candidate for you, children of George Washington. That better choice is 1) independent, 2) honest, 3) genuine, 4) correct, 5) not a tramp. His name is Pip Clowson, and he is a farmer, a real man of the earth, and he cares about little people and stuff you wouldn't know about. He knows what it means to suffer, and he knows what it means to believe in suffering.

Check out his personal blog and please, don't murder this nation with a terrible choice in November. Vote for Pip Clowson. Don't make me come over there and stop you for your dumb choices.

Nuffy, your Friend

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