Post-St. Patrick's Day News Capsules

Well, I've finally recovered from St. Patrick's Day enough to post again. Oh, I wasn't drinking; I was a designated driver. The hangovers are much worse, because they're mental as opposed to physical.

Anyway, there's been much in the news lately. Here are a few "highlights."

• Bob Dylan's toilet reeks. An "outdoor portable toilet" (much preferable to the indoor versions) on famed folk-rock singer-songwriter Bob Dylan's property has been giving his neighbours a case of the wrinkled nose. The toilet is used by the security guards on Dylan's Malibu property.
  
  Now, every possible "Blowin' In the Wind" joke has been made about this story, along with the occasional "Idiot Wind" joke, though I'm not sure whether the smell of a portable loo bears any particular IQ value. I'm also sure people have chimed in about the guards passing some "rolling stones" and how the smell gets "All Over You." I'm quite certain that Dylan's song "Floater" has come up (as it would, of course), as has his lesser known tune "Orange Juice Blues." Perhaps people have suggested that Dylan has even stated that the malodourous guards are "Rank Strangers to Me" or that the neighbours first noticed the smell and called the local authorities to complain that "Something's Burning, Baby." Almost certainly, someone has tried to work in "Subterranean Homesick Blues" into the story.
  
  Obviously, if you're a prolific songwriter, an extremely whiffy loo is a professional hazard.
  
• Britain's Local Government Association has determined that there is some terminology that they feel is too pretentious and "impenetrable." So, they've made a list of the offending words and asked local councils to resist using them. Included on the list are words like: transformational, cascading, consensually transparent, best practice, fiscal responsiblity, honest governance, and wholesome living.
  
  Actually, I was just kidding about the last one. Erm... three.
  
  Quite frankly, they've left out some humdingers, such as:
  
  Antediluvian taxation modulation - tax cut
  Infrastructuralizational revenue adjustment - tax hike
  Conventionalities obviation inquiry - ethics investigation
  Reappropriational electorate bamboozlement - reelection
  Administrative bachannallic pompositudious chaotica - Parliament
  
• A Kansas man was arrested for bigamy when it was discovered that he was married to two women living in the same apartment complex. Police are trying to determine whether the man was merely stupid, or both stupid and lazy.
  
  His wives have both complained to authorities about having had to rent two apartments.
  
• Approximately 300 Providence, Rhode Island citizens attended a job fair...held at a local strip club. The Providence Journal reports that most of the applicants were men. A number of them were apparently disappointed to find out that there were no official "ogling" positions at the club, as these are already held by the owners and manager.
  
  Owners made the point that the majority of the jobs would not involve removing one's clothes. Self-respect and dignity were the only things all applicants were required to remove to be hired.