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Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Osama's Last Stand

Well, Osama bin Laden* is sleeping with the fishes tonight, courtesy of the U.S. Navy SEALS.  Osama was buried at sea, where presumably he's well on his way to hosting a new, especially rancid bit of coral reef, although some suggest he sunk straight to the bottom and then just kept on going. Just think, one moment he was facing off with America's finest in his master bedroom thinking that, at worst, he would wake up to a plethora of nubile virgins; the next, he's getting the mother of all hot-feet** in the universe's BBQ pit.

It was inevitable of course. When you're responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans, the questions are not if so much as when, and whether or not the ordinance is going to rip a new hole or use some existing orifice.

Reportedly, bin Laden was found in a "mansion" rather the deluxe cavern most people envision him in. At some level this is very disappointing, because let's face it, most of us liked the idea of Al Queda's mastermind sleeping on a large rock in the darkness, wondering if the dodgy looking stalactite above his head would get him before a Tomahawk missile did. I for one took some comfort in the idea that bin Laden lived in far less comfort than even the Flintstones.

Instead, it appears that he led a moderately domestic life. It's hard to think of the world's most wanted man, casually traipsing into the house with all the casualness of Ricky Ricardo, only in this case after a hard day's work plotting the violent deaths of civilians instead of the usual evening show with the band. All the comforts of home with his assorted Lucys, little Rickys, and Al-Zawahiri his Fred Mertz is a bit much to handle. Although reports indicate that there were no phone or Internet connections to the home, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Obama had satellite television with a variety of jihadist networks, Al-Jazeera, and Oprah's network (because not even bin Laden would cross Oprah).

The secrecy, the help from rogue Pakistani security agents, the big walls, and the domestic facade couldn't protect him. Now he is literally history, room temperature, toast. This is an ex-terrorist.

* Or as some of us at DoUI like to refer to him, Osucka Big Longun
** Admittedly, this is a leftover Saddam Hussein joke.

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