Osama's Last Stand

Well, Osama bin Laden* is sleeping with the fishes tonight, courtesy of the U.S. Navy SEALS.  Osama was buried at sea, where presumably he's well on his way to hosting a new, especially rancid bit of coral reef, although some suggest he sunk straight to the bottom and then just kept on going. Just think, one moment he was facing off with America's finest in his master bedroom thinking that, at worst, he would wake up to a plethora of nubile virgins; the next, he's getting the mother of all hot-feet** in the universe's BBQ pit.

It was inevitable of course. When you're responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans, the questions are not if so much as when, and whether or not the ordinance is going to rip a new hole or use some existing orifice.

Reportedly, bin Laden was found in a "mansion" rather the deluxe cavern most people envision him in. At some level this is very disappointing, because let's face it, most of us liked the idea of Al Queda's mastermind sleeping on a large rock in the darkness, wondering if the dodgy looking stalactite above his head would get him before a Tomahawk missile did. I for one took some comfort in the idea that bin Laden lived in far less comfort than even the Flintstones.

Instead, it appears that he led a moderately domestic life. It's hard to think of the world's most wanted man, casually traipsing into the house with all the casualness of Ricky Ricardo, only in this case after a hard day's work plotting the violent deaths of civilians instead of the usual evening show with the band. All the comforts of home with his assorted Lucys, little Rickys, and Al-Zawahiri his Fred Mertz is a bit much to handle. Although reports indicate that there were no phone or Internet connections to the home, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Obama had satellite television with a variety of jihadist networks, Al-Jazeera, and Oprah's network (because not even bin Laden would cross Oprah).

The secrecy, the help from rogue Pakistani security agents, the big walls, and the domestic facade couldn't protect him. Now he is literally history, room temperature, toast. This is an ex-terrorist.

* Or as some of us at DoUI like to refer to him, Osucka Big Longun
** Admittedly, this is a leftover Saddam Hussein joke.

Osama bin Lennon?

One of Osama bin Laden's son's wants to be a peace activist.

I suppose next, Justin Timberlake will declare an abiding desire to write Classical Art Music, and Britney Spears will resolve to become a Carmelite Nun. Maybe I'll even take up blogging maths.

It doesn't help that Omar bin Laden's path to peace activism is a bit dodgy:

1. Lived with Osama bin Laden in Sudan until 1996, whilst the Al-Qaida leader plotted terror.
2. Lived with Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan until 2000, whilst the Al-Qaida leader plotted terror.
3. Trained at an Al-Qaida terror camp whilst living in Afghanistan
4. Married a saucy 52-year old British woman who now calls herself "Yoko."

Well, I suppose he's getting somewhere with number four.

Actually, that one was a bit off. The former Jane Felix-Browne now calls herself "Zaina Alsabah," which is Arabic for "Looks like Yoko Ono," strangely enough.

The AP article notes that Omar doesn't criticize his father. This is quite a shame because offering a bit of criticism towards a death-sowing, murderous, head-lopping blaggard like the elder bin Laden would be a relatively simple start on the road to peacenik-dom. One pithily-worded press release about the old man's bombing and decapitation fetish and Bob's your uncle - instant peace activist credibility.

Of course, saying something like that might also result in Omar and Yoko getting blown up like a holiday cracker. The elder bin Laden's not exactly known for his tolerance and sense of humour about these things. He's really not known for his tolerance and sense of humour about anything. Osama's idea of a punch line is an actual punch to the face... with an axe.

Anyway, bin Laden's hot for peace progeny has got a smashing idea for calling attention to peace: A 3,000 mile horse race across Africa.

Sort of like John Lennon dressing up in fatigues, I suppose. Well, at least the proceeds would go to charity. Hopefully, no one gets trampled in the process.