It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Editorial Note - The World Cup

I never did get to all those World Cup posts I promised. So, here's a summary of the subjects I neglected:

  • The refs sucked - Yes they did. Missed goals, offsides that weren't there, really bad haircuts.
  • FIFA's advertising totalitarianism - If you weren't selling Budweiser (The Official Beer of the FIFA 2010 World Cup!) you might as well be a crack dealer in the eyes of FIFA. One beer company responded by sending scantily clad women into a match.  FIFA had the women arrested, though there is a rumor FIFA President Sepp Blatter wants to incorporate their outfits into the uniforms for the Women's World Cup.
  • The big stars flopped - Rooney, Ronaldo, Messi didn't score. On the bright side, they all had better months than Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan.

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Sunday, August 01, 2010

The Most Interesting Man in the World - Outakes

(The audio version of this bit is here.)

[Dos Equis Commercial - Recording session - Scene 10]

Director: Dos Equis, Scene 10, Take 1. Action.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: I don't always drink beer. Sometimes, I drink orange juice.

Director: Cut.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Sorry! (to Crew) Sorry! (to Director) I was thinking about that bout of scurvy I had in '69.

Director: OK, no problem. Once more from the top. Dos Equis, Scene 10, Take 2. Action.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: I don't always drink beer. On occasion, I'll have a V-8, or a Clamato.

Director: Cut.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: I'm sorry, I don't know where my mind is today.

**********

Director: Dos Equis, Scene 10, Take 7. Action.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: I don't always drink beer. For example, I'll drink cranberry juice if I'm having a problem with my bowels.

Director: Cut.

**********

Director: Dos Equis, Scene 10, Take 11. Action.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: I don't always drink beer. Sometimes, I'll put warm soup in a mug and sip it slowly.

Director: Cut

The Most Interesting Man in the World: I like the way the noodles tickle my moustache.

Director: Cut!

**********

Director: Dos Equis, Scene 10, (deep breath) Take 15. Action.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: I don't always drink beer. Sometimes I'll go weeks without one, even months. Often, I don't want a beer at all. In fact, sometimes the taste of beer makes me want to vomit.

Director: Cut!!!

Assistant Director: (under his breath) Why'd you let him go on so long?

Director: (under his breath) I thought he might get round to it this time.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Are we going to be much longer? I've got a monkey-bathing session at 3 p.m. and it's no fun if the water cools off.

**********

Director: (wearily) Dos Equis, Scene 10, Take 45. Action.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: ...and when you're sewing yourself up without anesthetic, the worst thing is pulling the thread. I usually laugh when I do that, to cover up the crying.

Director: Cut!!!

The Most Interesting Man in the World: I'm sorry, were we rolling?

Director: Yes. Yes, we were %$&! rolling!!!

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Hey, calm down! (Jokily) You don't want me to have to punch you in the face and then have you thank me do...

Director: Don't even try that crap with me, now.

**********

Director: (breezily without the expectation of success) Dos Equis, Scene 10, Take 137. Action.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: I don't always drink beer.But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Stay thirsty, my friends, and watch out for those bowel problems.

Director: (Shocked) Cut! Print it! We'll fix it in editing.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Does anyone have any cranberry juice, handy?

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