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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Oh, The Mysteries of Art!

Three patrons are standing with an artist at his new show. They are looking at a picture of the artist's newest work, a white canvas with a single black lin painted down the middle of it.

First Patron: I'm intrigued by the message of your latest piece. I'm guessing it's a representation of all the artificial dichotomies between members of the human race.

Artist: Nope.

Second Patron: I suspected as much. It's clearly portrait of solitude in the psychological wilderness of reality.

Artist: Nope.

Third Patron: Hmmm. It strikes me as an image of desolation and man's resilience in the face of the total catastrophe of civilization.

Artist: Nope.

A schoolgirl walks by. She looks at the painting for five seconds, then tugs the artist on the shirt.

Schoolgirl: Is that a symbolic representation of the way in which pretentious abstract art confounds self-important psuedo intellectuals who feign understanding when faced with ambiguity?

Artist: That's the one.

Patrons: (simultaneously) Knew it all the time.

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Conan the TBSerian

Well I've finally recovered from the overdose of political advertising I received. The antidote was severe: two straight weeks of Hallmark television, punctuated with the occasional QVC, when my therapist was doing a little early Christmas shopping.

Actually, I was able to squeeze in a bit more television than that, and have caught some of Conan's new episodes. As always, there were plenty of surprises.

  • Conan has a beard. It's somewhere between a James Lipton and a ginger Abraham Lincoln. 
  • No sign of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, yet. However, the Masturbating Bear has made at least two appearances. So, the comedy of jerkiness continues.
  • La Bamba has returned to the band after his unsuccessful independent bid to become Senator from Alaska. Apparently, thousands of people spelled his name "M-u-r-k-o-w-s-k-i."
  • Tom Hanks was doused with water by a breaching whale. Yes, I know that sounds like a pregnant joke, but that's what happened.
  • Conan has his own blimp. As a promotion for the show they're torn between a remake of Black Sunday and the final minutes of View to a Kill.
  • Conan's opening night ratings demolished the competition. Dave responded with a call Conan to congratulate him. Jay parked one of his cars in Conan's space.
  • There have been repeated references to "The Tokyo Sandblaster." Apparently, it's not a mixed drink, it's a sexual position. Welcome to TBS!
  • Conan's show is being filmed at the Warner Brothers lot. The result is that his rivarly with Jay Leno has been supplanted by a bitter contest of wills with Daffy Duck.
  • The show set has a 3-D moon in the background that can be moved around the set. This was installed after Andy Richter declared he would do no more bits that involved him being pantsed.
  • Harrison Ford said the word s***, unbleeped.* Bet you've never seen Harrison do that on basic cable, unless you're Callista Flockhart and he was leaning on the flat screen while describing an episode of Sex in the City.
* This actually happened. I think Harrison was talking in his sleep.

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