You mess with Harpo Marx, you get the horns.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Saddam Snuffs It

Well, it's getting to be like a mausoleum around here, what with the deaths of so many well known people. In Saddam's case, it was only a matter of time, no matter how many Iraqi judges were impressed with those underpants photos in The Sun. (No, there's no link. Heavens, why would there be?)

Anyway, as we don't spend a lot of time mourning tyrants in these virtual pages (none actually, God have mercy on their wicked souls), allow us to regale you with the following. Apologies for the title sounding like a category on The $100,000 Pyramid:

Things Overhead at Saddam's Execution

  • The caterers have some really scrummy falafel.
  • MSNBC has promised to cover the execution live if we hang him in his underpants.
  • I don't know about you, but I will miss is strong, if cruel leadership; his iron grip, his unifying prescence... (breaks up in laughter) Nah, I'm just kidding... hang the vicious bastard! Hell, set him on fire, too!
  • I still think Johnnie Cochran could have got him off.
  • Hanging cruel? Yes, but they wouldn't let us gas him, while simultaneously hacking off his limbs and dropping him in an acid bath. You take what you can get.
  • What's President Bush doing here holding the rope?
  • 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we asphyxiate! Sad-dam! Sad-dam! Saaaa-dam!!!
  • Saddam? Before we pass sentence, who does your beard for y... Oops, too late.
  • Can we drop him again, just to make sure?

Thursday, December 28, 2006

U.S. President Gerald Ford passes away...

...and no, it wasn't from a slip or fall. May he rest in peace. Anyone who had to follow Nixon's act was bound to seem dull and comfortably nice in comparison.

What many people don't know is that Ford was one of the greatest gridiron players of his generation. I remember reading that he was named to Sports Illustrated's All-American team for 1900-1950 at center. I suspect this was the reason Nixon named him as Vice-President after Spiro Agnew's resignation, Nixon imagining Ford snapping the ball to him and running for endless touchdowns around slowfooted Democrats. Of course Nixon was sent off, as it were.

So the simple fact of it is that Ford could have taken the head off of many of his critics in a physical confrontation. Instead, he's remembered for pardoning Nixon, losing to Carter, and falling down a aeroplane stairwell. A funny old thing life is sometimes.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

The Hardest Working Man in Show Business...

...has passed on. James Brown has died at age 73, on Christmas Day. May he rest in peace.

Of course, this has also made for an extremely strange holiday, with multiple radio stations playing "Sex Machine" the day after Christmas.

Also, it should be noted that the man could outdance just about anyone into his seventies. Impressive.