You mess with Harpo Marx, you get the horns.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Definitely Picaresque...

... it was a pun.

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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Five Times Better Use of the Dictionary

Hello there, persons of the earth. As you well know by now, I am Nuffy Sarge Noe, and I am Five Times Better than the average person. This is the result of cerebritis, a technical term referring to the extra large size of my frontal brain lobes. Because of this, I have increased brain capacity and comprehension. Among my many Five Times Better abilities is my improved used of the dictionary.

I noted recently that Mr. Earl Fando posted about an upcoming trip to Ireland, in which he claims he will be residing in a "picaresque village." Now, people who are not Five Times Better will read that and think that he meant "picturesque village," which would mean a village so pretty it resembles a picture or a painting. Indeed, that is what the word "picturesque" means.

However, please note that Mr. Fando actually used the word "picaresque," which is similar in spelling with a few letter variations. "Picaresque" is defined as "relating to rogues or rascals ; of, relating to, suggesting, or being a type of fiction dealing with the episodic adventures of a roguish protagonist." If you don't believe me, look it up, gentle people. It is true.

Now, you think about that for a minute there, dear persons. What is Earl Fando admitting about himself? He is saying one of two things:

1) he will be staying in a village that is a known residence of rogues and rascals.

2) his trip to Ireland will be another episode in the true story of the rogue/rascal Earl Fando.

These are the kinds of truths that being Five Times Better reveals to you. Thanks and have a pleasant noon.

News That Will Warm the Cockles of Your Heart

I have heard from a trustworthy source that Cakey the Jacked-Up Clown and Jorge Carlito Viejo have had an actual conversation together. I know there has been much angst and grief over their separation. Many news articles have been written fretting about the fate of their friendship. And an internet rumor was going around a couple of weeks ago that said Cakey ran over Jorge with his ATV and crushed both of his legs, an arm, three ribs, his head, his ears, and his pet mini-horse, Chaunclington. As it turns out, this rumor was actually about George Takei running over William Shatner's pet poodle, Billiam Shotner, but the poodle survived because George was driving a Hello Kitty big wheel.

Anywho, I have just obtained--and when I say "just obtained," I mean, seconds ago--security camera footage from the local Tesco purporting to show Cakey and Jorge, on a chance encounter, having an actual conversations sans bloodshed. See for yourself.

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Final Chapter?

I was perusing the site and came across Nuffy's post from two Tuesdays ago. Cakey's pleas were probably the most poignant I've ever heard in a video that included a fart noise. I'd say that it moved me, but more accurately it moved Cakey. He must've risen a full 4 inches out of his seat.

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Sunday, May 17, 2009

Erin Go Bragh! In Person

The Fandos are going on holiday to Ireland.

Feel free to read that back a few times to let it settle in your head. I know I have.

I intend to post on the details soon but the most amazing part of the process is researching and booking the trip. The Internet listings and prices change positions faster than the Obama Administration, often as you're checking flights. The phone agents are polite but I got disconnected twice before even reaching them. It's that moment of anticipation followed by the disconnection sound on the cell phone that's so heartbreaking.

Nonetheless, it's done. We'll be staying right next to a Manor house (or castle, as some are wont to put it). There's an excellent golf course on the grounds. It's so excellent it's hosting the Irish Open this year (again) and is thus beyond the ole' budget, unless I resort to some midnight gonzo golf. Where did I put those night-vision goggles?

A castle, pubs, Guinness, an economy rental car, bangers, champ, colcannon, Irish bacon, a long transatlantic flight with a change-over at JFK, and a picaresque village next door. Perfect.

And of course, I intend to post from Eire. Maybe. If I get the chance. I'll give it a shot. Promise.

That St. Patrick's Day post is starting to feel quite real...

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