In between collecting posts for the upcoming annual "Best of" post (and repeated posting about such) I thought I'd take time to tell you about the magnificent 2nd annual anniversary party we did.
I say did in the sense that we would have done it, had the people we invited actually turned up. I say turned up in that some of these people might have turned up had we actually invited them. I say might through the power of sheer optimism.
The actual celebration was Stew, myself, the missuses, the kids, and a large Chuck E. Cheese, who vaguely smelled of limburger. To be fair, that may have been the pizza.
However, had the above conditions been met, what a smashing do it would have been...
[Cue overused dream sequence music]
Earl Fando: Well, it was certainly nice of you to make it to the party, Madonna.
Joy Behar: I'm Joy Behar.
Earl Fando: Whatever. (turning to other guests) Britney! Will you please stop with the crazy monkey business!!
Britney Spears: Sorry! I forgot again!
Zimpter Fiforg: But it's just her pet Rhesus monkey "Kevin" hyped up on caffiene and Twiglets.
Earl Fando: I know, but I want to stop the "banana jokes" before they start. It's not as if we're cross-marketing with the Maxim web site this week.
Zimpter Fiforg: I forgot. That's next week, isn't it? (looks at notes) This week is Grit.
Earl Fando: Ask her if she's got a pair of dungarees and a straw hat.
Jorge Carlito Viejo: I am much the disappointed that the DeVito Danny did not show up. The empenadas con carne ensalada were for his favorites.
Danny DeVito: Hey, you *&%$# goof! I'm here! I even brought the tequila and enough limoncellos to knock Clooney on his *$$!
George Clooney: DeVito! When are you gonna crack open that 18-wheeler outside?!?
Stew Miller: ...and the elevator over there takes you to wing four of the secret Batcave beneath the house.
Keira Knightley: Do you have a Bat-copter?
Stew Miller: No, we couldn't afford one, so we purchased a Bat-hovercraft instead.
Cameron Diaz: What about a Bat-plane?
Stew Miller: Bat-hot air balloon.
Rip Taylor: How about a Bat-motorcycle?
Stew Miller: Bat-touring 3-speed bicycle.
Stew Miller: Bat-dinghy.
Stew Miller: Umm... Excuse me, I see Mrs. Miller's drink needs refreshing!
Angelina Jolie: I understand you're in the NSA?
Nuffy Noe: No, that was just Earl's novel.
Brad Pitt: So, you're in the CIA then?
Nuffy Noe: No, I'm just a writer for the blog and inventor of the "Five Times Better" system of personal betterment.
Angelina Jolie: So, you're in the CIA then?
Nuffy Noe: Sure, OK... I'm in the CIA.
Brad Pitt: You just said you weren't in the CIA.
Nuffy Noe: I'm not.
Angelina Jolie: So which is it?
Nuffy Noe: Which is what?
Brad Pitt: Are you or aren't you in the CIA?
Nuffy Noe: So how do you like these Pringles' Wasabi Avacado Potato Chips?
Angelina Jolie: I give up!
Brad Pitt: Me, too!
(They storm off in the general direction of the Bat-hot tub. Peter Graves walks up and discreetly hands Nuffy a small cassette tape.)
Nuffy Noe: What's this?
Peter Graves: I'm Jim Phelps and this is your secret mission.
Nuffy Noe: Jim who?
Peter Graves: Jim Phelps. (long pause) ...Jim Phelps from Mission Impossible!!
Nuffy Noe: Ooooh! (across the room) Angelina! It's your dad!
(Peter Graves smacks his head with the palm of his hand.)
Nuffy Noe: Weren't you less wrinkly in the movie?
Linus Coconut: Actually, I've only posted twice on this blog.
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Wow, that's deep.
Owen Wilson: That's groovy, man. Very mellow, my friend.
Martin Amis: A staggeringly brilliant demonstration of artistic restraint.
Maya Angelou: You rise! You rise!!! You rise!!!!!
Owen Wilson: Wow, you like totally got one more "rise" out of Maya Angelou than the number of posts you did.
Maya Angelou: That last one was in anticipation of his next post.
Crispin Glover: (Excitedly) Why are there rabid skunks in my pants?!?!?
Linus Coconut: I can see you're a fan of post number two, Crispin.