Twitter Madness: April

I've not been posting here as often as I should, but plan to change that soon. I have however been quite busy on Twitter (@earlfando). So, for those of you who are not into the tweeting but do enjoy the quick hitters (and by that I mean humor, not sex), the next few posts will contain some of my more interesting tweets from the last few months.* April:

• 31 Mar - I wonder how many Jedi Knights have accidentally neutered themselves while holstering their light sabers?
•  3 Apr - I always like to get a little "out of the box" when I choose a tie. This is because all my ties are in a big box. (Editors Note: This actually happens to be true.)
• 3 Apr - (Easter Week) It's that time of year when non-Christians talk a bit more loudly about eggs, bunnies, and chocolate.
•  3 Apr - Someone once said, Revenge is a dish best served cold." This is why I call vichyssoise "Revenge Soup."
• 3 Apr - Yahoo! says a top MMA athlete switching to pro wrestling. I don't know what the fuss is all about. Athletes go into acting all the time.
•  6 Apr - Even though they called it a "handle," you never found many CB guys with names like "two-handed" or "slippery."
•  6 Apr - Best pro golfer name: Stewart Cink, because he cinks one putt after another. #RTifyoupityme
•  8 Apr - Sure, it's "Words with Friends" ... at first.
•  8 Apr - If we ever need a fabric that is completely indestructible all we need to do is figure out what the Incredible Hulk's pants are made of.
•  9 Apr - Two out of three dentists are addicted to chewing gum.
•  9 Apr - I suspect there's a direct relationship between the fact that bullets bounce off Capt. America's shield & how many Bucky's he's been thru.
•  10 Apr - Have you heard the one about the machine-gun prop comic? Even when he was bad, he killed.
• 10 Apr - 10 Things I Ate About You. #ZombieRomComs (RomComs = Romantic Comedies)
• 14 Apr - Kantyland #PhilosophicalBoardGames
•  16 Apr - Pres. Obama calls for an investigation of the Secret Service prostitution scandal. Pres. Clinton just asked if they'd pass along a phone #.
•  17 Apr - After seeing what the kids are into these days, I don't feel so ashamed about Funky Cold Medina being big with my generation.
•  18 Apr - Definition of a masochist: You've seen every episode of America's Funniest Videos and you still bought a trampoline.
•  18 Apr - Can generate extremely loud noises without deflating nearby souffles #OddlySpecificSuperPowers
•  18 Apr - The best processed meats are the ones that completely disguise their origins. For example: Salami = Good, Bologna = OK, Head Cheese = FAIL.
•  19 Apr - It's only a matter of time before Cinemax comes out with a film about the Secret Service prostitution scandal: Secret Services.
•  22 Apr - Baby, you're hotter than the solar panels on my Martha's Vineyard beach house. #EarthDayPickUpLines
•  23 Apr - Every time we watch River Monsters our goldfish gets delusions of grandeur.
•  24 Apr - I don't know what's more amazing, that the zipper was invented by a guy named Gideon Sundback or that there's not a rock band with that name
•  24 Apr - If I were Ronald McDonald, I'd have a bumper sticker that reads, "Who died and made you Burger King?"
•  24 Apr - It bugs me that no one ever says "please" to Siri.
•  25 Apr - @TheThomason Managing gray hairs is just like the old Missile Command game. At first it seems easy, and eventually all hell breaks loose.
•  25 Apr - I know a Labradoodle is a kind of dog, but it really sounds like something chemists do when they're bored.
• 26 Apr - Until aerodynamic researchers appropriated it, "wind tunnel" was slang for the human colon. #FabricatedFacts
•  28 Apr - Watching Phineas & Ferb episode where Doofenschmirtz hatches an "evil plan to rid the world of annoying mimes." In what world is that evil?
•  29 Apr - @MythBusters tested braking with different shoes, but they left out clown shoes. Clowns drive cars, people!

*As you can tell, I have really low standards for "interesting."