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Saturday, June 30, 2012

Twitter Madness: April

I've not been posting here as often as I should, but plan to change that soon. I have however been quite busy on Twitter (@earlfando). So, for those of you who are not into the tweeting but do enjoy the quick hitters (and by that I mean humor, not sex), the next few posts will contain some of my more interesting tweets from the last few months.* April:

  • 31 Mar - I wonder how many Jedi Knights have accidentally neutered themselves while holstering their light sabers?
  •  3 Apr - I always like to get a little "out of the box" when I choose a tie. This is because all my ties are in a big box. (Editors Note: This actually happens to be true.)
  • 3 Apr - (Easter Week) It's that time of year when non-Christians talk a bit more loudly about eggs, bunnies, and chocolate.
  •  3 Apr - Someone once said, Revenge is a dish best served cold." This is why I call vichyssoise "Revenge Soup."
  • 3 Apr - Yahoo! says a top MMA athlete switching to pro wrestling. I don't know what the fuss is all about. Athletes go into acting all the time.
  •  6 Apr - Even though they called it a "handle," you never found many CB guys with names like "two-handed" or "slippery."
  •  6 Apr - Best pro golfer name: Stewart Cink, because he cinks one putt after another. #RTifyoupityme
  •  8 Apr - Sure, it's "Words with Friends" ... at first.
  •  8 Apr - If we ever need a fabric that is completely indestructible all we need to do is figure out what the Incredible Hulk's pants are made of.
  •  9 Apr - Two out of three dentists are addicted to chewing gum.
  •  9 Apr - I suspect there's a direct relationship between the fact that bullets bounce off Capt. America's shield & how many Bucky's he's been thru.
  •  10 Apr - Have you heard the one about the machine-gun prop comic? Even when he was bad, he killed.
  • 10 Apr - 10 Things I Ate About You. #ZombieRomComs (RomComs = Romantic Comedies)
  • 14 Apr - Kantyland #PhilosophicalBoardGames
  •  16 Apr - Pres. Obama calls for an investigation of the Secret Service prostitution scandal. Pres. Clinton just asked if they'd pass along a phone #.
  •  17 Apr - After seeing what the kids are into these days, I don't feel so ashamed about Funky Cold Medina being big with my generation.
  •  18 Apr - Definition of a masochist: You've seen every episode of America's Funniest Videos and you still bought a trampoline.
  •  18 Apr - Can generate extremely loud noises without deflating nearby souffles #OddlySpecificSuperPowers
  •  18 Apr - The best processed meats are the ones that completely disguise their origins. For example: Salami = Good, Bologna = OK, Head Cheese = FAIL.
  •  19 Apr - It's only a matter of time before Cinemax comes out with a film about the Secret Service prostitution scandal: Secret Services.
  •  22 Apr - Baby, you're hotter than the solar panels on my Martha's Vineyard beach house. #EarthDayPickUpLines
  •  23 Apr - Every time we watch River Monsters our goldfish gets delusions of grandeur.
  •  24 Apr - I don't know what's more amazing, that the zipper was invented by a guy named Gideon Sundback or that there's not a rock band with that name
  •  24 Apr - If I were Ronald McDonald, I'd have a bumper sticker that reads, "Who died and made you Burger King?"
  •  24 Apr - It bugs me that no one ever says "please" to Siri.
  •  25 Apr - Managing gray hairs is just like the old Missile Command game. At first it seems easy, and eventually all hell breaks loose.
  •  25 Apr - I know a Labradoodle is a kind of dog, but it really sounds like something chemists do when they're bored.
  • 26 Apr - Until aerodynamic researchers appropriated it, "wind tunnel" was slang for the human colon. #FabricatedFacts
  •  28 Apr - Watching Phineas & Ferb episode where Doofenschmirtz hatches an "evil plan to rid the world of annoying mimes." In what world is that evil?
  •  29 Apr - tested braking with different shoes, but they left out clown shoes. Clowns drive cars, people!
*As you can tell, I have really low standards for "interesting."