It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Last Minute Halloween Advice and News

Halloween's almost over, but there's still time for a few last minute pranks. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Use toilet paper to turn a house into a mummy.
  • Double park awkwardly. When you come back to your car, exclaim loudly, "That's what I get for letting Lindsay drive me over here!" 
  • Dress as Darth Vader but speak in a high, Mickey Mouse voice. 
  • Stoop to conquer (women only)
  •  1. Trick or treat house. 2. Pretend to eat candy they give you. 3. "Cough up" voluminous amounts of fake blood.
  • Quietly pass gas at political rally, then when people notice, point at the candidate and shake your head sadly.
  •  Ask people dressed like Ron Weasley if you can borrow their broom, then sweep up large, nasty spiderwebs.
  • Crash "zombie" parties and act like they seem completely normal.
  • Prank call candidates and pretend to be a Gallup pollster. "Are you sure that's who he/she's voting for?"
  • Pathetically "fork" one square yard of a friends house, by planting plastic forks in the ground. (We did this one year. We only had the one box of forks. However, we did also have a ginormous, foam sign that said "MEATS," which we planted in their back car window.)
  • Pretend to play Quidditch by yourself in a large, public square. (We are not legally responsible if you get beaten up.)

 In other news, here's a short list of the trendiest costumes for this Halloween season. Perhaps a few of these turned up at your door this evening:

  • Locked out NHL Hockey Player - An ordinary guy carrying hockey stick with cobwebs on it
  • George Lucas - A bearded guy wearing a suit made of money and stock certificates (Most of these are recycled old Tracy Jordan costumes)
  • Rob from the film Birdemic - Normal, if dim looking guy, who walks extremely slow and awkwardly. Talk in short, vague mumbles. (RiffTrax fans, only)
  • Pollster - A zombie with an ill-fitting suit and a pocket protector
  • Occupy Wall Street Protestor - All you need are drums and fake dog poo to leave on police cars. 
  • San Francisco Giants player - A baseball player holding broom that has a tiny tiger wedged in the bristles
  • Agent Phil Coulson - Dress as a standard government agent, and then be super nice and cool at the same time.
  • Joan Rivers's Dignity - Dress in all black, so as to be invisible in the dark
  • Joe Biden's Smile on a Shark - Very high concept
  • Radioactive Paul Ryan's Widow's Peak - Mostly just a special haircut and glow in the dark Brylcreem
  • Zombie David Axelrod - Or just David Axelrod (What? He's not a zombie?)
  • Donald Duck's new niece, Leia - She has Mickey Mouse ears!
  • Jedi Master Buzz Lightyear - May the Force be with you, and beyond!
  • Donald Trump's $5 million - Instead of eyes (like the Geico money), it has an ill fitting toupee.
  • Libertarian Presidential Candidate - Well dressed man, constantly exclaiming, "Hello! Running for president, too, OVER HERE, people!"
  • Rebooted Movie Superman - Anyone in a Superman costume