It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Boo!!!!

In the spooky, yet goofball tradition of Halloween, The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas presents:

The 2008 DOUI List of Celebrities' SCARIEST Things!!!!*

  • Brian Cashman, NY Yankees General Manager - "That a team like the Phillies could win the World Series.... D'oh!"
  • Barack Obama, Democratic Presidential Candidate - "4, no, make it 8 more years of failed Bush policies! Seriously, I'm not just saying that to get elected. I fear that much more than tigers or sharks or media stories about Bill Ayers."
  • Madonna, pop star - "That the torpedos will malfunction, if you know what I mean."
  • Oliver Stone, film director - "That Dick Cheney will come after me with a shotgun, after making 'W'."
  • Dick Cheney, Vice-President of the United States - "That my Glock will jam the next time I meet Oliver Stone."
  • John McCain, Republican Presidential Candidate - "Barack Obama will confiscate my seven homes after the election. At least leave me the place in Peoria. I love that place!!! Have a heart, Barry!!!"
  • Joe Biden, Democratic Vice-Presidential Candidate - "Media coverage, 'cause man, I'm a walking time-bomb of gaffes. I'm still not sure why Barack picked me."
  • Keith Olbermann, commentator - "That people will discover I secretly love George W. Bush. Why won't he return my calls, dammit?!?"
  • Bill O'Reilly, commentator - "That people will discover I secretly love Hillary Clinton. Why won't she return my calls dammit?!?"
  • Sarah Palin, Republican Vice-Presidential Candidate - "That one day I'll wake up and only be able to say, 'you betcha' and 'gosh, darn it.' That or that Todd runs off with Tina Fey."
More to come, if I have time.

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*BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...*cough* *gag* *sputter* **
**The above asterisks are not footnotes... erm, except for this one.