- When hit by a pitch, don't rub the mark.
- Don't walk in front of a catcher or umpire when getting into the batter's box.
- Pitchers never show up their fielders.
- There's no crying in baseball. (Sorry, this was one of Tom Hanks's unwritten rules.)
And you thought baseball statistics were complex? Check out some of these little known uncodified edicts:
- Fans who run onto the field uninvited may be tasered ...but you knew this already.
- Dirt should always be kicked onto the umpire's feet with your strongest foot. Kicking dirt with your weaker foot is viewed as demeaning to the umpire.
- Baserunners should never steal a base by actually picking it up and carrying it into the dugout. You'd think this would be obvious, but...
- Players get a free hot dog from vendors for any home runs hit during batting practice
- No actual bulls in the bullpen. Seriously, a bull could get hit by a pitch.
- Players who hum along with the stadium organ tunes will be beaten senseless in the dugout.
- Spitting tobacco, crotch adjusting, and the occasional colorful language are all a normal part of baseball. Flatulence is not. Save it for the football fields.
- If a player can get a vendor to sell them a beer without the manager spotting it, they get to keep it. Otherwise, it belongs to the manager. This kind of drinking game explains a lot of managerial decisions in baseball.
- Stepping out of the dugout and tipping your hat to the crowd after a home run at an away game is considered bad form. FYI - the term "bad form" in baseball means "suicidal."
- Conferences at the pitcher's mound should never include phones, videoconference equipment, or tables.
- Walk your dog between innings, not during them. Corollary rule: you are responsible for any "gifts" your dog leaves on the field.
- Pitchers caught throwing spitballs have to lick the ball clean after the game. What? With the spitting and crotch adjusting, now you're offended?
- Any player whose beltline falls below his butt crack during the game will have the full version of "Pants on the Ground" added to his personal IPod by management staff.
- Coaches must perform a minimum of eight fake signs for every one real one.
- Pitchers must never throw to first base more than 15 times in succession.
- Anyone who pulls a muscle during the seventh inning stretch must be ridiculed for the rest of the game.
- If a celebrity's ceremonial first pitch goes into the stands, the celebrity has to run a lap.
- If a singer botches the National Anthem, a pitcher is required to throw at their groin the next time they see them. This applies both in and out of the ballpark.
** The Hungarian semi-pro league, the Tonga league, the Outer Hebrides circuit, and other similarly well-known AA leagues.