It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Party? Quirks?

In between collecting posts for the upcoming annual "Best of" post (and repeated posting about such) I thought I'd take time to tell you about the magnificent 2nd annual anniversary party we did.

I say did in the sense that we would have done it, had the people we invited actually turned up. I say turned up in that some of these people might have turned up had we actually invited them. I say might through the power of sheer optimism.

The actual celebration was Stew, myself, the missuses, the kids, and a large Chuck E. Cheese, who vaguely smelled of limburger. To be fair, that may have been the pizza.

However, had the above conditions been met, what a smashing do it would have been...

[Cue overused dream sequence music]

**********

Earl Fando: Well, it was certainly nice of you to make it to the party, Madonna.

Joy Behar: I'm Joy Behar.

Earl Fando: Whatever. (turning to other guests) Britney! Will you please stop with the crazy monkey business!!

Britney Spears: Sorry! I forgot again!

Zimpter Fiforg: But it's just her pet Rhesus monkey "Kevin" hyped up on caffiene and Twiglets.

Earl Fando: I know, but I want to stop the "banana jokes" before they start. It's not as if we're cross-marketing with the Maxim web site this week.

Zimpter Fiforg: I forgot. That's next week, isn't it? (looks at notes) This week is Grit.

Earl Fando: Ask her if she's got a pair of dungarees and a straw hat.

**********

Jorge Carlito Viejo: I am much the disappointed that the DeVito Danny did not show up. The empenadas con carne ensalada were for his favorites.

Danny DeVito: Hey, you *&%$# goof! I'm here! I even brought the tequila and enough limoncellos to knock Clooney on his *$$!

George Clooney: DeVito! When are you gonna crack open that 18-wheeler outside?!?

**********

Stew Miller: ...and the elevator over there takes you to wing four of the secret Batcave beneath the house.

Keira Knightley: Do you have a Bat-copter?

Stew Miller: No, we couldn't afford one, so we purchased a Bat-hovercraft instead.

Cameron Diaz: What about a Bat-plane?

Stew Miller: Bat-hot air balloon.

Rip Taylor: How about a Bat-motorcycle?

Stew Miller: Bat-touring 3-speed bicycle.

Madonna: Bat-boat?

Stew Miller: Bat-dinghy.

Madonna: Reaaaaallllly?

Stew Miller: Umm... Excuse me, I see Mrs. Miller's drink needs refreshing!

**********

Angelina Jolie: I understand you're in the NSA?

Nuffy Noe: No, that was just Earl's novel.

Brad Pitt: So, you're in the CIA then?

Nuffy Noe: No, I'm just a writer for the blog and inventor of the "Five Times Better" system of personal betterment.

Angelina Jolie: So, you're in the CIA then?

Nuffy Noe: Sure, OK... I'm in the CIA.

Brad Pitt: You just said you weren't in the CIA.

Nuffy Noe: I'm not.

Angelina Jolie: So which is it?

Nuffy Noe: Which is what?

Brad Pitt: Are you or aren't you in the CIA?

Nuffy Noe: So how do you like these Pringles' Wasabi Avacado Potato Chips?

Angelina Jolie: I give up!

Brad Pitt: Me, too!

(They storm off in the general direction of the Bat-hot tub. Peter Graves walks up and discreetly hands Nuffy a small cassette tape.)

Nuffy Noe: What's this?

Peter Graves: I'm Jim Phelps and this is your secret mission.

Nuffy Noe: Jim who?

Peter Graves: Jim Phelps. (long pause) ...Jim Phelps from Mission Impossible!!

Nuffy Noe: Ooooh! (across the room) Angelina! It's your dad!

(Peter Graves smacks his head with the palm of his hand.)

Nuffy Noe: Weren't you less wrinkly in the movie?

**********

Linus Coconut: Actually, I've only posted twice on this blog.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Wow, that's deep.

Owen Wilson: That's groovy, man. Very mellow, my friend.

Martin Amis: A staggeringly brilliant demonstration of artistic restraint.

Maya Angelou: You rise! You rise!!! You rise!!!!!

Owen Wilson: Wow, you like totally got one more "rise" out of Maya Angelou than the number of posts you did.

Maya Angelou: That last one was in anticipation of his next post.

Crispin Glover: (Excitedly) Why are there rabid skunks in my pants?!?!?

Linus Coconut: I can see you're a fan of post number two, Crispin.

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