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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Don't let the teacher give you any lip

I recently came across a heartwarming story about a psychotherapist who conducts kissing classes for the osculation-challenged.

All right, heartwarming isn't really the first thing that comes to mind. "Annoying nut-job" was first, followed by "arrogant busy-body", followed by "She's a spectacular little... (see previous post)."

First of all, she's a psychotherapist. While I'm sure there are some very talented psychiatrists and psychologists who practise psychotherapy, they usually do so retaining the titles of "psychiatrist" and "psychologist". People who actually fill in the "occupation" line on federal forms with "psychotherapist" are announcing that they could use psychotherapy themselves. They're the kind of people to share office suites with dowsers and holistic healers, and go to dinner parties featuring Judith "What I meant to predict was" Crist and Uri "Watch me bend this spoon with my mind" Geller.

Anyway, the quotes are just lovely. The teacher got the idea of starting the class after "dating a man who was a horrible kisser". Of course it had to be him. It couldn't have been her, stopping between pecks to critique the precise angle of his head tilt, making him do that little exercise over and over where you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue, or writing prescriptions for extra moisturizing lip balm afterwards? That would put any bloke off his game.

She also is deranged enough to describe herself as a "luscious kisser". There was no evidence the reporter of the story, Linda Thomas, did any follow-up on that (and all of us not named Guccione are forever thankful). How could she possibly know? Did she walk around Seattle randomly kissing people and having them fill out surveys? (Choose the following: A. Luscious, B. Rapturous, C. Wet, D. Funky, E. Lizard-like)

The last paragraph is the clincher for me. "Byrd went home to an empty house. The kissing school teacher is not married and at the moment doesn't have a boyfriend." I wonder if that's in the ads for the class?


Could this be the woman? It would explain everything.


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