Fight! Tasers! Screams!..."Hey! Where's my cell phone?"

This CNN/SI story, about a fight that broke out at a girls basketball game, would on most occasions seem quite depressing. However, the story ends with one of the cheerleaders putting things into sober perspective.

"People were screaming and running," Prattville cheerleader [name omitted] said. "Girls lost their cell phones. Keys got lost. It's something I will never forget."

I too will now be forever haunted by the image of mini-skirted cheerleaders slowly moving up and down the hardwood, hunched over like baseball catchers, their voices whimpering in that excruciating high pitch that only they can make, hoping for a glimpse of their Nokias. The horror.

(As an aside, I'm wondering how many young men reached that page, saw the Sports Illustrated swimsuit model ads all over the place, and immediately produced an image in their heads of lanky, bikini-clad cheesecake going at each other like Greco-Roman wrestlers in a mosh pit? Not that I was thinking that myself, of course.)