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Monday, February 07, 2005

While I'm Bashing MTV...

Have you seen the current front page of their web site. It's tailor-made for a game of the old Sci-Fi Channel/MST3K "Caption This!" (...though it will probably have changed by the time you see it and you'll wonder what in blazes I was blogging about.)

There's the #1 video by "The Game". The picture makes their front man look like he has a facial tic of some sort, as though he's had one too many run-ins with Inspector Clouseau.

Green Day's lead singer looks as though he's trying to blow his brains out with his index finger. Someone tell him it's not loaded.

There's also a soulful picture of J-Lo. I imagine her thinking, "Maybe that big Boston doofus Affleck wasn't so bad after all. Marc is on my last nerve, baby!" I'm sure I'm just projecting.

Finally there's the ubiquitous (Latin for "can't sing in public") Ashley Simpson. I saw her "performance" during halftime of the Orange Bowl on T.V. She sang a song that was apparently entitled "You Make Me Want to Grunt". She's destined to get the Emmy for "Most Unconvincing Animalistic Shagging Noises by an Actual Female". It sounded more like the woman's voice from Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" as done by Soupy Sales. All I can think of these days when I see Ashley is to picture her standing in front of Robert Reed and Florence Henderson whining, "Jessica, Jessica, Jessica!"

She has a whole television show to herself on MTV. That's a pretty good way to sum up the network these days.


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