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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The Cartoon Network presents: Warren Buffett? Zoinks!!

Apparently the "Oracle of Omaha", as he was known by his mother, Warren Buffett is going to star as a character in a new cartoon aimed at kids with nothing better to do than watch a cartoon starring Warren Buffett. Mr. Buffett gained fame and his vast fortune at an early age when he wrote and recorded the song "Margaritaville" while working at Berkshire Hathaway the famous English recording studio started by Jane Hathaway of The Beverly Hillbillies fame. After a infamous run-in with Max Baer Jr. at the cee-ment pond (providing inspiration for the later Brokeback Mountain I hear), Buffett left Beverly Hills in disgrace and settled into a humble $4 million dollar home in Laguna Beach.

Somewhere along the line, some knucklehead of a cartoon producer has decided that what kids want to see is MORE economic theory in their animated offerings. I don't know if there was some sort of poll but I can just imagine the questions:

"What would you like to see in a new cartoon? A.) A cat struck by a large hammer. B.) An animated Donald Trump firing Smurfs. C.) An animated Warren Buffett discussing the death tax. D.) all of the above.

Apparently there is a large demographic of 5 to 9 year olds that just can't get enough Buffett although I think they may have mistaken that for the buffet at The Sizzler. We just may never know.

I know many of you are asking, why should I care about Warren Buffett's new cartoon? The answer is that if we don't ridicule it and hopefully somehow assist in the cancellation of this tripe we may end up with an animated Al Gore or Dennis Hastert out fighting crime, and unlike Robert Smigel's cartoons these will be completely serious, although they will probably have less references to gay sex in them. That said, as always, I wonder what the cartoon will be like and how the Oracle will spread his arrogant economic rantings on our children.

The Oracle and the Supply & Demand Kids

We cut in on the Keynes-mobile as it arrives at a spooky old mansion. Warren and the kids hop out and all stand around wearing jumpsuits emblazoned with S&D Team. Warren's is uncomfortably tight almost busting at the seams.

Warren: Kids, who wants to hear more about Keynesian theory as it relates to resource utilization in the macroeconomic environment?

Zippy: Jeepers Mr. Buffet...

Warren: That's Buffett... t t t t not ay ay ay.

Zippy: (looking as if he's about to be horse-whipped) Sorry sir, it won't happen again. I think we'd all love to hear you expound on resource utilization but I think we need to talk to Mr. Blodgett, the man who requested we assist him with his finances.

Warren: Very well, but don't come crying to me when aggregate demand slacks and you're wondering where your next unemployment check is coming from.

Mr. Blodgett: Welcome to Blodgett Manor, I'm Mortimer Blodgett the owner and I hope you can help me with my ghost problem. The little blighters are always coming around and it's hard to run a top notch B&B with spectres floating about the place.

Warren: Ghosts? I think you've got the wrong people. I could give you a fine recitation of the multiplier effect and its irrelevance in laissez-faire schools of economics.

Mr. Blodgett: Will that scare the ghosts?

Zippy: (under his breath) No, but it'll bore their asses to death.

Warren: I heard that, Zippy!!!!!!

We see the Keynes-mobile leaving the mansion as the Mystery Machine enters the picture with Scooby Doo hanging out the window.

Scooby Doo: Rarren Ruffet? Rrrraroww

Warren: (in the distance faintly) Buffett. Buffet-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t.


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