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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Stew's Movie Musings

Since I have been a bit lax on my postings of late, Earl has demanded that I "get your kiester in gear or be flung headlong from yon balustrade." Not knowing exactly the height of said balustrade, I decided to come up with a vehicle for some of my humor. So I want to welcome you to the first of Stew's Movie Musings, where I will take a film that I have seen, hope to see, don't wish to see, will pretend to have seen, or make up and review it in a manner that may at times make Roger Ebert blush and Pauline Kael spin in her grave. At least that's my hope.

Big Momma's House 2

The first film I wish to tackle is the aforementioned Big Momma's House 2 (The Quest for Cash) the much anticipated, at least by the criminally insane, follow-up to Big Momma's House. Martin Lawrence once again gives a tour de force performance, and by that I mean it is about as forced a performance I've seen since he did Bad Boys II (Money Runnin' Low). The plot of BMH2 is very simple to understand, just think Beverly Hills Cop II and The Pacifier only with Eddie Vin Murphy Diesel as a large, flatulent woman in orthopedic stockings.

Two of the elements that made Big Momma's House at least palatable (and I use that word hesitantly), Paul Giammati and Cedric the Entertainer, are absent here and who could blame them. Paul was probably sitting on the set of Lady in the Water practicing Oscar acceptance speeches and threatening to do his Tony Clifton impression if Lawrence called one more time. Cedric must have insisted that he had to keep his schedule open should the Academy Awards committee call him to be host since Chris Rock was so popular last year. Needless to say both should be considered for special Academy recognition for being smart enough to avoid this stinker.

Being the optimistic sort I tried hard to find anything even remotely satisfying or redeeming in this movie. The best I could come up with is that it was probably better than Black Knight and that "no animals were harmed in the making of this motion picture". I have heard rumors that Martin is trying to model his career after the Eddie Murphy of the mid 80's, a dubious distinction considering some of Eddie's scandals of the same time period. Just let me say this, I watched Eddie Murphy in the mid 80's, you sir are no Eddie Murphy of the mid 80's. Early to mid 90's maybe, but not the 80's. I mean how can Lawrence hope to attain that mantle when one of his characters hasn't even been used as inspiration for a Harold Faltermeyer techno instumental tune. On that account, I feel he falls miserably short.

Anyway, take what I have said in this review as you wish. If you still desire to go see the movie, well I give you my best regards and would just remind you not to eat any particularly spicy meals beforehand. If you determine that I am a loony (which I am), that it is the height of comedic cinema this year, and throw your hard earned money at it; be warned, Black Knight 2 may well be just around the corner.


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