It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Monday, May 01, 2006

The Anthem Versus Earl

After conducting my little experiment in translating the Star Spangled Banner to Spanish and back, yesterday, it suddenly occurred to me that the national anthem of the United States of America has more than one verse. Given the intense interest in immigration issues, fueled by members' of the U.S. Congress fear that they might soon be out of nannies, gardeners, and low-cost chef salads, I figured this would be a nice way to revive interest in the blog, and perhaps tempt Juan Carlos Vega out of his temporary blogging limbo (much less Stew's temporary blogging limbo...soon, I'll be posting about "Why I haven't posted in a week" if this keeps up).

So, by popular demand (meaning me) here are the other 4 retranslated verses of La Estrella Spangled La Bandera or in English, "The Saucy Los Lobos Groupie." Compare it to the original!

On the beach in the dark through the smog of the treated effluent in the bay,
Where those jerks on the other side's stuck up posse are sitting around giving us the silent treatment,
What is that in the wind (Was it you Francis?), over that tall thingy there,
As it agitatedly performs an act we can't describe on this blog, now you see it, now you don't?
Now the sun is shining on it, yep, still shining on it,
You have to admit, it's a pretty cool looking flag, and now something about a shiny stream (Francis! Lay off the ale!):
It's the Saucy Los Lobos Groupie: Long may she attend concerts and blow kisses at these talented musicians with the unusual facial hair.
Over the territory of the free and the crib of people who won't back off, jack!

And where is Aerosmith, who so cursed or promised something (not sure there)
That when things get messy in war and people don't know right from left in battle
A house in the Hamptons and a country estate should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footsteps' pollution. (Amazingly this line translated perfectly! Even the "wash'd!")
No hidey-hole could save the white-collar and blue collar (not to speak of the migrant worker)
From a white-knuckle 12:15 a.m. from St. Louis to L.A., or the really depressing atmosphere of the cemetery:
And the Saucy Los Lobos Groupie in triumph does a little shimmy
Over the territory of the free and the crib of people who won't back off, jack!

Listen jack, this is how it is when free people get out of their seats,
Between the nice little three-bedroom cottage in the suburbs and a Stanley Kubrick film about martial conflict;
Blessed with winning the big game, may the heaven-rescued neighborhood
Praise God that made the country and allowed us to hang out.
Then open a can of you-know-what, when the time to throw down comes down,
Sing it with me: "In God is our trust"
And the Saucy Los Lobos Groupie in victory does the Macarena
Over the territory of the free and the crib of people who won't back off, jack!


And when giant ducks fly over Boston, trying to decide whether to have the kung-pao or Mu Shu
And large dimpled robotic Sasquatches play accordion in the Kennedy Center;
How many times will Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch play gin rummy
How often does a Mazerati get stopped for speeding on Interstate 5, only to be given a warning when the occupant flashes their SAG card,
Don't worry, it was just Charlie Sheen or Emilio Estevez...I'm not sure...the one who can't act,
There was a large moose in the back seat, wearing a cardigan and smelling of Bartles and James (the guys, not the wine coolers)

And the Saucy Los Lobos Groupie is exhausted from all the dancing
Over the territory of the free and the crib of people who won't back off, jack!

I just know we're going to get mail from this.

Update: Someone suggested to me that there are only 3 more verses to the anthem after the first verse. I double-checked and as it turns out, I went too far and retranslated the lyrics to Shakira's hit song "Poem to a Horse."

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