The Football-Haters Club...

...a club which I am most obviously not a member of, is gearing up in Germany for the upcoming World Cup.

The initiative is called "Football-Free Zone" (No, I'm not linking to to the bleeding site) and will attempt to promote German cuisine and attractions as an alternative to the world's biggest sporting event. So, instead of watching Germany play Costa Rica in the opening match, you can scarf knockwursts from the battlements of a Bavarian castle while watching German mimes play out the Rheinbundakte, or something like that. Of course, you could do that after the match too, if you really fancy watching people dressed like the cast of Sprockets lurch awkwardly about while portentious narrators mumble interminally in the background about what a putz Napoleon was.

Even so, one might have an iota of sympathy for citizens not into sport who live in a country hosting such a massive tournament. However, unlike the Torino Olympics, the World Cup actually means something.

In addition, the anti-football forces are being marshalled by a theatre director from Munich. A small bit of advice: If you're going to have an anti-sports campaign, you might try having it fronted by an ex-athlete, or an outdoorsman, rather than theatre directors, dance choreographers, or interior decorators. There's nothing wrong with any of these professions in and of themselves, but they do tend to suggest people not in tune with the rigours of competitive sport, or with the rigours of working class life in general. It's hard to take someone who doesn't like sport very seriously when their hobbies are along the lines of "reading Brecht at my summer home" or "working out the complexities of mise en scene in the confines of the proscenium arch" or even lighter fare, such as, "editing my dissertation on Commedia del Arte and Fascism."

The pathetic irony of it all is that they'll spend most of their campaign having conversations like this one:

Prissy Munich Theatre Director: You should not waste your time on these silly games! There is more to life than grown men running around chasing balls!

Sodden Football Fan: Bet you know all about that, mate! (winks drunkenly) By the way, who won the Holland/Argentina match today, squire?