It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Come in Elvis...Can you hear me Mr. Presley...

This just in... Famed Israeli psychic Uri Geller has just bought Elvis' house.

No not Graceland. Uri couldn't afford that if he were L. Ron Hubbard in disguise. (Hmmmm...??Nah!) No, this home is the house Elvis lived in before he moved to the legendary palace of insipid excess that is the beloved Graceland. In other words, this brilliant psychic paid $900,000 for a middle-class ranch house with a pool and a few Presley sweat stains on the kitchen dry wall.

Geller has vowed to turn the home into a museum, and to invite sick Israeli and Palestinian children to visit the home for free where he will get immense satisfaction from watching them try to eat their breakfast cereal with all the bent-up spoons.

According to the Reuters article by Michael Conlon, Geller says that he was interested in the house because the original ceiling price on it was 1.11 million and Geller claims a "paranormal fascination with the number 11." The article left out the fact that Geller also has a paranormal infatuation with being an annoying prat. (There is no confirmation that at one point in the interview Geller claimed he could make people "11 times better.")

Geller and two others originally bid $300,000 U.S. but the price was driven up by a bidding war that ensued when James Randi found out Uri was interested in the house and decided to have a bit of fun.

Geller made no claims that Elvis specifically spoke to him about the house at any time, althoguh he did state that at the exact time he decided on the final bid for the house, an Elvis song came on the radio ...on Sirius' Channel 13, Elvis Radio. He also pointed out that Priscilla still won't return his calls and that the restraining order is still in effect.

In related news, Geller announced that he will attempt to psychically bend the neck of one of Elvis' old acoustic Gibson guitars..."with the strings still on and dangerously high out of tune." The impending stunt impressed magician David Blaine so much that he admiringly said of Geller, "What an idiot."

ABC turned down Geller's generous offer to televise the stunt live for only $3,000,000. Instead, the event will be broadcast tape delay on an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos and Geller will be paid only if he finishes in the top three for that week.

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