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Thursday, May 18, 2006

I've been Five Times Remiss

In not welcoming our newest blogger, poster, member (oh, that doesn't sound right), writer (that's a little better), and cashcow Nuffy Noe. Is Nuffy any relation to Puffy? One must wonder, mustn't (pronounced mooosssnnnd) one. Anyway, I have been reading his posts concerning being Five Times Better and really think he's on to something there. Why shouldn't we want to be Five Times Better? Oh sure, many of us strive to be Four Times better, but isn't Five (5) more than Four (4), and indeed Six (6) would be a little bit pretentious don't you think.

I bring all of this up, not only because I need something to write about, but also because my family and I are making our, now almost annual, pilgrimage to Disney World. I hereby pledge to you our reader that when I make it to Orlando (or is it Kissimmeeeeee, or Lake Buena Vista), I will strive to be Five Times Better and enjoy myself Five Times More. In a perfect world, where all of us are Five Times Better, we would all live in peace and harmony. That is exactly why I am sending the following letter to the Walt Disney Corporation explaining to them the ways in which they can make themselves Five Times Better:

Walt Disney Corporation
Attn: Robert Iger - or minion
100 Mickey Mouse Avenue
Havana, Cuba 11111

Dear Robert,

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter or for sending it to the department that can best implement my ideas. A friend of mine, Mr. Nuffy Noe (Ret.), has brought to my attention a new program which promises its devotees the chance of becoming Five Times Better. I don't know about you, Mr. Robert Iger, but I think we all could stand to be Five Times Better.

It is in this vein that I give you some suggestions that I hope you will review, which I believe will make your Disney properties Five Times Better. Just think, Five Times Better might mean Five Times the income and you being a business man will appreciate that. Remember these are only suggestions, you might have some of your "Imagineers" go to work to improve them.

  1. Five Times more monorail trains so people don't have to wait 2 hours between rides.
  2. 505 Dalmations
  3. Five Times more deodorant for Captain Jack Sparrow attraction.
  4. Five Times larger steins at the Beirgarten in Germany at Epcot.
  5. 35 Dwarfs (I'm sure Verne Troyer and Warwick Davis need work)
  6. Five Times the fun (not a suggestion, this is what you'll get!!!!!!!!!!)
  7. Five Times faster drops on Tower of Terror (you might want to install a grate system to sluice off the vomit though)
  8. Five Times the Mickey's (not in the drinks though)
  9. Five Times fewer sweatshop workers making overpriced Disney apparel

I hope these helpful suggestions are taken to heart because I think they will add to the already wonderful ambiance of your various Worlds.

Sincerely yours,

Stew Miller

I really hope they take my suggestions for making Disney World, Five Times Better. I'm sure I would enjoy it at least five times more...especially the Biergarten.

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