I wanna be, wanna be like... Ivanka? Why not me?

You may wonder what has been happening around the palatial DOUI offices in the last few days. Let me give you a short synopsis. Nuffy is in hiding to avoid Mark Northover's attorneys who have sent him a cease and desist order. I hate to tell them, but Nuffy has never ceased and desisted in anything for as long as I've known him. Please see here, here, here, and here. Earl disappeared shortly after the World Cup championship game. He said something about life not being worth it anymore and he'd see us again in four years. As for me I've been doing the usual, cleaning the commodes and playing hours of computer golf.

I did check in on what was happening in the Yahoo world as I am wont to do from time to time. Sadly, the most interesting thing was a trip that IvanKa Trump (yes, The Donald's progeny) took to Dubai and posted to the Yahoo travel area. Normally a piece like this would leave me quickly moving along to Yahoo Sports or even Yahoo Real Estate and as a last resort, Yahoo Yellow Pages. Today though, I was strangely drawn to this narcissistic rubbish because I have a deep-seated desire to be a part of the "jet set" myself. But where to begin? Since I don't have any experience "jet setting" I decided to follow in Ivanka's little bitty footsteps and take the whirlwind trip to Dubai. I have included below a posting that I will make to Yahoo Travel once I figure out how to do that.

My Trip to Dubai

Hi-dee-ho my frizzles,

Here I am back from my exciting trip to Dubai. Two words, heat and sand. Lots of sand. I'm still trying to get all of the sand out of my Speedo, and I didn't even get a chance to wear it. I can't say I had the bang up time that Ivanka did but she probably travels with a different crowd. Anyway it was an experience that I won't soon forget.

Enjoy! (I didn't)
Stew

Lounges and Bars

Bahri Bar
Where to find it: Mina A' Salam
Located at the Madinat Jumeirah Resort.

I really wanted to try this place out, Ivanka made it sound so appealing. I tried two times to get past the security but was stopped both times and given a application for employment. When I said I didn't want a job they told me that was the only way I was ever getting in. They do have a nice lobby and bowl of mints.

Lotus One
Where to find it:Ground Floor, Convention Tower

Had a little more luck here. Got to get in when I slipped the bouncer a twenty. Really nice place to unwind or "mellow out" as Ivanka put it. Does Ivanka Trump really need to "mellow out"? Anyhow, I did eventually get thrown out when I tried to order a Screaming Orgasm. Apparently my Urdu is not up to snuff and it turned into a rather ugly incident.

TGI-Fridays
Where to find: Infidel Avenue, Dubai

Left with little option, I spent most of my time here drinking colorful drinks with little umbrellas in them. I also sat wondering why there were so many bars and lounges in a muslim country like Dubai, but I digress. The appetizers were good and I recommend the Jack Daniel's Sampler but be sure and get bleu cheese their ranch tastes funny over there.

Hotels

Burj Al Arab

This is a spectacular hotel with a tremendous view of the Persian Gulf. I would also have to sell a kidney to afford to stay in the place. There were street vendors that would have provided this service but I decided I might need the kidney at some point in the future.

Dubai Motel 6

This is where I eventually found a reasonable room. I asked the clerk where Ivanka spends most of her time shopping and hanging out. He charged me for an extra person in my room. I don't know why. Anyway, Makmoud'll keep the light on for you.

A few ideas...

Dubai Post Office

It is a lovely post office and you can mail cards, letters, and other items. They'll even give you a free tour of the sorting and distribution nodes if you annoy them long enough. This and a history of the stamps of The Emirates is highly recommended.

Dubai International Airport

Whether it's lunch at McDonalds, coffee at Starbucks, Mongolian barbecue, or purchasing liquor in the duty free shop there is a lot to do and explore at the Dubai Airport. Still have to wonder about the whole liquor thing.