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Thursday, July 06, 2006

More Celebrity Fourth of July Musings

Yes, it's the sixth of July, but that won't stop us from looking back at what other celebrities have to say about the birthday of the United States, or would if they were literate enough to appear on this blog.

  • William Shatner - I'm... Canadian, but I want... to ...let... YOU know, that I think about freedom everytimetheFourthofJulycomesaround...AND... I...WEEP...with joy! Free...DOM... is a wonderfulandmanysplendoredthing. It PAYS the rent on my palatial Hollywood ranch house. It ENABLED Gene Roddenberry to CREATE a television show that madeyourstrulyfamousandforwhichIhave never trulybeencompensatedenoughfor. I... BELIEVE... (pause of 20 seconds)... in freedom? (Growls) FREEEEEEEEEDOM!
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger - Hello my friends and ze people of Cal-ee-for-nee-a. Ven I came to zis country, I vas nothing but an over-muscled slab of stupid beefcake vith a penchant for hot vomen und cheesy movies. Now, I am ze governor of the third largest state in ze union, und I have a Kennedy for my vife, and ve're not talking Teddy either! Take zhat, Austria!! I love America! I love American Vomen!! I love Hummers!!!
  • Oprah Winfrey - On our next show, I'm going to look at the history of this great country of ours, a history chock full of innovation, courage, imagination, wife-swapping, lying book authors, and couch-dancing celebrities. It's a history that enabled a little girl from the South to emerge as television's most powerful and ruthless figure. It's a history that allows Harpo Productions to influence everything from television, to the publishing industry, to what kind of silly hat I make Steadman wear, while standing in a vat of Jello pudding and reciting the theme song to Teen Titans in Japanese. On the next Oprah!
  • Ozzy Ozbourne - (Unintelligible, except for a few expletives.)


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