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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Last Grab for Glory

Well, Pottermaniacs the world over finally have the answer to a secret that has bewitched them for some time now. The title of the seventh and final book in J.K. Rowling's septology about the life and times of the boy wizard will be Harry Potter and the Naughty Nurse from Brixton.

Erm, sorry, scratch that. The actual, REAL title of the book will be Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Apologies to Dan Radcliffe for getting your hopes up for the final film.

It stands to reason though that Rowling must have had numerous other possible titles in mind for the book. After rummaging through her rubbish bins in Edinburgh, Scotland*, and reviewing seventeen different videotaped interviews looking for coded language and hints, I've managed to compile a list of rejected titles for the seventh book. Just think that we all might have thrilled to one of these instead.

  • Harry Potter and the Out of Control Miss USA
  • Harry Potter and the Rabid Monkeys
  • Harry Potter and the Crusty Knickers
  • Harry Potter and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
  • Harry Potter and the Gigantic Skunk
  • Harry Potter and the Annoying Film Producers
  • Harry Potter and the Irritated Scrotum
  • Harry Potter and the Unremarkable Tea Party
  • Harry Potter and the Cast of Ocean's Eleven
  • Harry Potter and the Enormous Bangers
  • Hermione Loves Chachi
  • Harry Potter and the Flying Wallendas
  • Harry Potter and the Flatulent Moose
  • Harry Potter and the Ghost of Richard Nixon
  • Harry Potter and the Ribald Racounteur
  • Harry Potter and the Silk Negligee
  • Harry Potter and the Spotted Dick
  • Harry Potter and the Rabid Britney
  • Harry Potter and the Beatles
  • Harry Potter and the Final Paycheque
*Not me, personally... I have very reliable goblins who perform this sort of work.

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