It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Does Court TV Know About This?

Horror director Wes Craven is suing washed-up comedian Pauly Shore.

This could make for the trial of the century. I'm sorry, I meant "trial" as in "ordeal." The last thing I want to see on telly is gore-maven Craven trading "witticisms" with Pauly's male Paris Hilton act.

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Los Angeles Civil Court Testimony (excerpts)

Day 4: Plaintiff

Mr. Wes Craven: My back yard was completely savaged by the demonic Mr. Shore's bloodthirsty excuse for a pool and deck! Mud, and gut-like turf, oozed onto my property like the pus-swollen innards of an impaled diseased zombie, smothering my gentle azeleas with brutal, psychotic, murderous, slashing force. I feared to sleep at night, frightened that the undead Mr. Shore would put in a hellish second room and bury me alive in displaced, bile-like soil and wood-shavings like dried skin!

Baliff: You're just supposed to say, "I solemnly swear to tell the truth, etc."

Day 22: Defendant

Mr. Pauly Shore: Bud-dy!

Lawyer: Mr. Shore, I asked if your contractors had demonstrated that they had conducted a geological survey of the property to determine that the ground was stable enough for property improvements?

Mr. Pauly Shore: I like your tie, dude! Bud-dy!! (Passes wind) Oo-oooops!

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Not to harp on the subject this evening, but this could be the only civil case in history that results in a double execution.

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