It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

The next 30 rounds are on William!

Prince William has acquired the inheritance bequeathed by his late mother, Princess Diana.

William came into his share of the inheritance upon reaching his 25th birthday on Thursday. (Which reminds me.... On behalf of The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas, Happy Birthday, Your Royal Highness... no, no, I'm not sucking up for handouts, although the readership would most definitely go up here were we to receive some sort of royal sanction or seal. Give it some thought, Your Royalness. We could put a nice picture of you somewhere prominently on the site.)

The total amount William now has, after payments on estate tax and investment gains, is around £9 million. That's about $18 million U.S. and around $200 billion Canadian, or at least will be by the time I finish this post. I'd need a small supercomputer to calculate the value in pesos.

So, the question that's out there amongst the royal-watching public is - just what would a highly popular, world-famous, regal 25 year-old do with suddenly acquired vast sums of money? Oh, I'm sure Buckingham will tell the media that HRH will invest the sums frugally with Britain's finest banques and financial institutions, but we here at DOUI don't believe that for a second.

Having said that, here are our predictions for a royal spending spree.

  • £200,000 for that Lamborghini he's always wanted, the one that comes fully loaded with CD player, GPS, On-Star, and an Italian actress with legs long enough to strangle a giraffe.
  • £60,000 for Bill Clinton's private seminar on picking up "American chicks in the line of government duties."
  • £1,500,000 for a huge do with all his friends, hangers-on, and several birds he met down at the local pub. This will mark the 3rd one this month.
  • £10,000 for a year's supply of Scotch Eggs.
  • £350,000 to reacquire John "The Elephant Man" Merrick's skeleton from Michael Jackson. Not only will this bring Merrick's remains rightfully back to his home nation, but it will save them from all the repeated "sleepovers" at Jackson's estate, NeverNeverLand.
  • £1,000,000 donation to HRH's favourite comedy blog, The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas. (It's worth a try, although I'm not holding my breath after the Michael Jackson joke.)
  • £250 for unpaid parking violations, from parking in the Queen's space at Windsor.
  • £15,000 to have Camilla surreptitiously sterilised...just in case.
  • £500,000 to appear in the next Harry Potter film as himself, though he will request that his credit read: "Mysterious Royal Babe Magnet."
  • £50,000 to have Prince Harry locked in The Tower if he ever dares put on that Nazi costume again (although The Queen has actually volunteered to do that for free).
  • £20,000 to have Britain's Got Talent Champion Paul Potts sing at his Christmas party. An extra hundred quid if he performs the "Numa Numa" song.
  • £2,000 to have all the "I'm a Prince, Fancy a Shag?" bumper stickers, the ones that Harry put there as a prank, peeled off all his cars.
  • £100,000 to HM Queen Elizabeth to pay off all his croquet gambling debts.

Labels: , , , , , ,

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home